People get upset when Adoptees speak about their families. And that’s just ludicrous. Everyone talks about their families. Adoptees only get to talk about one for most of our lives, when there are actually two. Now, thanks to adoption, our lives have become complicated senerios that twist and turn, dead end, and confuse the humans that it should be serving.
Adoption, I’m calling you out. Out from the shadows of idnorant imagines who lacked forethought and any understanding of how the child and Mother dynamic, and the natural way in which our bodies are forever joined with the one we come from. Adoption you have lied to us all.
What I feel is that our truths, the truths about how it feels being adopted and living a life as one forever called o to the carpet by a society that deems children conceived to be valued as less than even dogs. When our truths are told our experiences are given wings with our words to soar at last and they kill the innocence of the picture Adoption painted so long ago over the top of our lives. A sad, tormenting, and sometimes fatal overcoat has washed and dried over what is still there. Adoptions (story) is painted all over the original one God intended, and this story is to hide what was believed to be a mistake, violent act, monster, deformed, retarded, addicted to drugs, shameful thing produced by the act that is condoned if one is in possession of a proper license to do so.
My Mother clung to a lie. Until her ship came home and began to unravel her soul. My Mama is a good person, who’s been fed a bunch of horse Pucky. And we’ll. What else could she hold onto with me gone? Hope, I guess. Faith. In God. And I’m telling you, this is a mess. Reunions are work. And all must work for it to succeed. You have to dig deep in the face of lies told to those you love. And firmly, lovingly, honestly refute them. One by one. Attack those thoughts that are not grounded in the truth and shine your light, which is your unique perspective, to light your loved ones way out of darkness and ignorance.
Just becasue folks cus does not mean they hate you. It just means they are honestly communicating a frustrating feeling. And letting it out so it can disputes. I’ve had a lot that I have stuffed for fear of rejection. My family happens to be Christian. So you can imagine how that has gone. All this and that about how to talk and nothing at all about what I am trying to communicate.
What am I saying guys? Stop fighting what already is. I’m home. I’m back. Let’s figure this out. What does this behavior say about us as a unit? If we can’t figure us out? Who can we help?
But, there is no loss of hope here with my truth out in the open. There is in fact a bright place where there once was a glob of pain that I carried for so long silently. I’m still sorting through all the things that turned me around too. We all have high hopes for a good life. And what I guess I’ve learned is what kind of life is life without your Mama? I mean she is like apple pie. Gravy and bisquits and sour dough pan cakes.
Most people who loose their Moms struggle until the day they die about it and longing for another hug, chat or cup of tea with her. Why am I different? Just becasue adoptions stamped on my records? I am denied knowing her completely with all the warts I would have seen growing up with her. Am I not supposed to get to know her quirks? Is she not supposed to learn mine? Are we not doing this very thing right now? Or at least my side is. I feel We will completely do this as soon as my Mama steps up to the plate that has been waiting for her since day one.
I’ve Got two Moms. So I’m busy. Mamas have their ways and mine have theirs. I’ve accepted them both. It’s been rough. I won’t lie, and candy coat it. Parts of it sucked real bad. But their were glimmers. But I missed my Mama. Still.
The years have passed
Will we stay like this forever?
Who cast this spell over my family? Does not God wipe it clean with Christ blood? We are different now. Yes. But let’s get better, together, like we really are. Behind Adoptions painted mask. We are now linked forever in time as family. All of us.
So, what gives?
Is a promise or a vow you made long ago stopping you? What you need to see is because i made contact with you, that act nullifies the vow. I have broken the silence, and now can ask for what I want, because I am of age to decide.
My right as a child is that I have access to my family.
The Convention on the rights of the child (November 20 1989) states:
1. States Parties shall ensure that a child shall not be separated from his or her parents against their will, except when competent authorities subject to judicial review determine, in accordance with applicable law and procedures, that such separation is necessary for the best interests of the child. Such determination may be necessary in a particular case such as one involving abuse or neglect of the child by the parents, or one where the parents are living separately and a decision must be made as to the child’s place of residence.
What makes someone a competent authority? And how do they know what’s best for me? And my Mama? I am the professional of that deal. Ok? Me. Her kid. I’d like to meet who wrote this shit.
Let’s talk neglect. Ok? Neglect can be educated out of someone. Like some people just don’t realize becasue they were not actively taught to care for other and we’re left to themselves and seem to think life revolves around them. Like those kind of people don’t do well with plants and pets. They need to work on focus and sphere.
I work on that with my family. I bust open the walls of the thoughts that have kept us like this. I bust the myths they fed on in the darkness Adoption placed them in. I imagine they feel vulnerable. Much as I did as a child in a strange place, with no sounds I was acustom to from my nine month time inside my Mamas world to comforted me. Feeling alone and yet with many.
Mama’s hold your hand first.
Mama’s calm your fears.
Mama’s cheer when you succeed.
Mama’s cry when you fail.
Mama’s bandage you up.
Mama’s give you pet talks and tongue lashings.
Mama’s spit on you.
Mama’s fix your hair. And your posture.
Mama’s remind you.
Mama’s kiss you good night.
Mama’s thank you for flowers stolen from the yards if loving neighbors. Who giggle when you sneak.
Mama’s remember special things.
Mama’s keep promises as best they can. And apologize when they fail.
Mama’s lead by example.
Why does my Mama not do these things for me? I’m ready? To start again. A new? A fresh. No regrets. Nothing hidden. All cards on our table?
Does not my Mama want to play such a game with her kid? After so long? After so much time apart? What is she scared of?
We lived with death for 30 years. We are alive. Both healthy. And times ticking. Let’s live beyond the curtain?? Let’s get Mama out of Oz’s curtained room. And let’s heal.
Thanks for diving deep with me today.
God bless ya!