What Adoptees Mama’s need to know is that we may be made from our Dads, but we are not our fathers. And that just becasue we came from another woman, does not lesson anything. In fact it expands it. We now love more than one woman and will always. My Mama has a bad opinion of me becasue she has a bad opinion of my Dad and what happened becasue of loving him. So sad. To see your Mama act that way.
I am my Mamas’ defender. Both of them. But truth is truth. And how can I even write here without my truth from it all. They had reviews too. This adoption experiment was ours. Each has its own variables. But what I see is that we the children always love our first Mamas.
What child would risk the life she has for hate sake? Do I war with my first Mama? Hell no, I don’t. I war with those thoughts that are controlling her mind. The ones that keep her acting like this. What Mama acts like that? Adoptee Mama’s, that’s who. They get told some stories I’ll tell ya! My Mama got told a bunch of shit that’s got her pour mind spinning from the truth that hit her thoughts with the full force the Bible preaches about. She’s been lit up with the light of my truth. Now, all she does is hold onto the lie. That’s what I am working on. The lies.
That’s what I am trying to clear up by speaking out. When she finally gets what I am saying? She’s gonna be thanking me for caring enough to not leave her ignorant. It’s a tough pill to swallow. Yes. Mama Jeans had to swallow that pill since day one. I was a handful. And no instructions or medical history made it hard to figure out what was up with me completely.
Mama Linda needs to know the price Mama jean paid to stand in for her. But I always knew my Mama walked away and Mama Jean stood in for her. You really can’t take a person place in another, but you can make another place within your heart for the one who shows up. Yes. She has her place within this woman I am. And she will forever be their. Her love forged a strong place within me.
It is that love she gave me, that compels me to write here. Her love for Linda in me. Her faithfulness to us both. Her willingness to make sure my Mamas perceived mistake would know she was wanted and needed and care for. Which shows she cared for my Mama as well. So pure. A love. Worth recognizing. But how can we see the under lying story, until we let go of the old lines and read the full story with all parts present at last.
But if I am to follow the leadership of the woman my Mama gave me too? I must be honest. Being adopted is like living in a maze. You know your parents are not the parents you came from and you know a journey back is inevitable and needed for your family story to truly make sense to those who will follow your footsteps.
I need the full story for my Children’s children to tell. Of the woman who journeyed back becasue the one who raised her, raised her to go back and show her the love she was given, by a stranger I call Mom. And that kind of love is worth knowing. And my Mama needed a woman like Mama Jean in her life. And God delivered. Praise god. God delivered.
Not becasue my Mamas lacking? But becasue she needed Mama Jean in 63 and she came and did the job she could not. I mean she can go on. But to pass up a blessing like this is precisely why I say Adoptions a mess. Who can’t use another friend? Who denies such a friendship that has lasted 54 years! this friend has been around ever since my Mama said goodbye to me? Sending me to bless her life? And I do bless her life.
Of course Mama Jean would expect Mama Linda to see theblessing in me? She made it possible for Mama Jean to be a Mama? Didn’t she? And to be so shocked to hear all that Mama Linda has said about her baby? Oh my! Oh no! No!
Now we have an appreciations problem here. And a lack of site of the truth that is under all we call adoption. My Mama has to wake up to that. Wake up to her friend who has learned all about her though me and so wishes and has not said, to meet her.
My intention here is to break down the walls Adoption has built Between us all. Like my poor Mamas was so lied to she fears for her life? Silliness. When something hurts!! Something hurts!! And it hurt me to have to live like this?? For them. My Mamas. Now I want my turn to have them together and they can’t seem to get it together? Seriously.
Yeah. Did t start this post about this. But. There is it. Teamwork. Family. Sisters. Mamas. Cousins. Brothers. Nephews. Aunts. Uncles. Together.
This situation is ludicrous. Seriously. Like my family can’t take my truth that I lived in silence? Hello. Read that again. Yeah. In silence. Until I got my courage up to tell my Mamas what hurt. I hurt so long, I had to take time to figure out what it was. Being split in two. Loving two woman is hard. If you love like I do? Hard. Passionate. Intense. And Faithfully.
- My Mama just fights with me. I came to make soup with her? But she only wants to fight. I guess she and my Dad faught a lot?
- All I wanted to do was clean this damn slate between us? All I wanted was to drink wine and catch up? Maybe cry if needed?
- We seriously have a communication issue Huston. My sisters obviously have tongues hinged? Or maybe they have a disability too?
- I guess they want to leave me with my imaginings? This is what you get. If you ain’t talking? Well you leave a person with their own interpretations? My family has sick humor? For sure.
- I can see why I was sent away? What a mess. But they are my Mess. Can’t leave them acting like this forever to me? What does this say about Jesus in our lives to continue to be like this?
- See how frustrating it is? Back and forth. And back and forth? Good. Bad. Acceptance is the only way for us all. And we all must accept to move forward.
- My Mamas put this off long enough. It’s time. Time for sisters to step up and accept me so our Mama can too.
- Time for our family to put our faith where our actions are and step up and accept their sister.
- If god has sent me back to show them how to be christians, and to put their scriptures to action, well Mama Jean taught me about Christ love with her scrafices.
- My family could learn a few things from her and better. Yes. Better. Step the fuck up. Now!! Chelsie Lynn!! Lead!! I trained you! Now lead these people!
- This has gone on long enough!! Now. It’s time. For my family to come together!!
- I don’t give up. So. Now!!