The more I hear it!! The more fuel God gives me.
I am Linda Marie Browns daughter!!
The woman I found is not her. I really don’t appreciate folks telling her all this shit about me that’s not even true. Like I struggle to even be heard. Those lies drown out my cry. Adoption has grown over her ears and fills her head with so many lie potatos she can’t hear me, her child calling for her.
My Mama’s so turned around about what this really feels like from her daughters perspective. Her ears filled with lies for the devil himself, keeping us apart. Is God the author of this I ask?
A daughter wishes to come home. Would God tell her to block me? I mean the deed is done. But my Mama. Not yours. But my Mama wants to not know me is what it looks like to me? I pray I am wrong. I pray she is will wake up and come to her real live natural Mama senses and pick up the phone in her heart and answer my call.
Why is that so much to ask? Have I not paid enough for daring to be born from parents that lacked their proper documentation and licensing to conceive. My parents did what everyone else did, but lacked their paper trail to say it was ok. So, my Mama had to dump me off. That’s what I see. From my limited perspective.
My perspective is limited by the fact that my own Mama has not told me the whole story. Evidently Adoption’s a cat and it’s got my Mama’s tongue. And I am trying to loose that tongue so I can have her back.
Adoption highjacked her from me. Adoption talked her into this fairytale gone wild. Adoption holds her mind captive in its sweet story of happy ever after, without me. Adoption told my sisters I was a stranger. Adoptions kept my nieces and nephews at bay too, telling my family lies to keep them from me.
Adoption has rewritten a history God wrote. Adoption separated me from my tribe. Adoption is nothing more than legalized parental divorce without my consent. Adoption is cruel to the children it’s supposed to be serving.
Adoption causes PTSD, anxiety, confusion, separation anxiety, trauma, disruptions of well being, trapped grief becasue there is no one to talk about your loss of your Mama, becasue no one sees an issue, and children should be seen and not heard, frustration and anger at a world that could do this to me, frustration for the child who wants to go home and be loved by the one who they were sent to first, but Adoption had a better way? Or did Adoption?
Adoptions caused My Mama to go on Mother daughter weekends and not to invite me. It’s makes my Mama block my emails and her to drive right by my town, it causes her to call me miles away out of guilt for not stopping, to say she can’t find her way to my home, it causes me to drive to her, just for a moment of her time.
Adoptions caused her to think I am crazy. Not adoption. Adoptions cool and got her shit together. Adoption doesn’t cause problems for the children adoptions helping. No. not Adoption.
Adoptions caused my family to disown me. My sisters to be disinterested in me. My cousin yo tell me I messed the family up. I caused all the problems, not adoption. She’s cool.
Adoptions caused my kids to struggle to figure out what family means. As they look at others who kept all their kids, and see they don’t act like this family Adoption created. Adoption has cut me off from my root system. Adoption has lied to us all. Adoption in 1963 sucks. Because my Mama lives, And she wanted nothing to do with me becasue of Adoption.
Adoption has made a big mess. Cutting us all up and throwing us all around. For what? A baby’s who showed up at an inconvenient time.
Thank you Mother Mary for not doing Jesus like that. I imagine it was so hard for you. You were so brave to lsisten to God and keep your baby named Jesus.
Would if she had not obeyed? Would if she had allowed fear of what folks would say to her take hold? Would Jesus have still hung on the cross we all wear around our necks? Would we have christmas, and would we even have a chance? If Mary had let fear sway her mind and talked her out of what God said?
I imagine these days, Mary, would have been put away for such talk. She would today, be called crazy for listening to the voice of God. She would have been locked up and her baby Jesus would have been adopted or put into foster care. There would be no savor, no Easter, no christmas, no redemption.
I want my Mama back. I want all these lies exposed for what they are. I want my Mama to heal, so we can be together.
New International Version
Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.
I do as God says here. I stand and knock. It’s been 24 years. So I am now pounding. But Adoption has my family held captive and is not letting them hear me.
Lord, please, today. Touch my families hearts. Soften them. I ask and appeal for you to change their hearts. I ask for healing and restoration. Amen.
Thanks for diving deep with me today.