As I wake up from the dream of Adoption, the reverberations of my truth set my body free.
As my old truth, now aired out, and free to fly away, spills from my lips I am grateful. That I lived through it. I am grateful that I am strong. Strong enough to say my truth and to make peace with my in er child who was so wounded by my past.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m ok. But now I’m free. Free to be me, all of me. Even the parts that don’t make sense to folks who have never felt relinquishment a sting. Adoption is like being placed in a maze with no instructions or map on how to get out. But that’s what I’ve learned about truth. When spoken, it lights the way out.
I’m getting out of the mind set of feeling bound by a modality that just did not fit. I am not just my Mama Jeans daughter. I am the daughter of two woman. And one I never got to see. And now that I have seen her, and she showed me my flextion, it showed me I was now different that her. It showed me how much Adoption changed me in reference to her.
Adoption made me stronger, empathetic, compassionate beyond imagination, and with time, it made me a truth seer. As I traveled my life, observing others who had not been relinquished, I noticed that those kept, do not see things like we, the adopted.
Becasue we have had to live with strangers. We have learned what family should mean, by having to go without them we see and feel what should not be, and so we see what should be.
I am unable to take my words back. And I really don’t want to. If my family can’t rise to the occasion of truth? Well, it’s there loss. They loose the blessing of what truth can do for us. And they will have to learn another way. For we all come here to not just live, but to learn as well.
I’ve learned a lot being away from my family. And I wanted to show them, so they could learn as well. But not everyone gets why we are here. Many have their heads to far into this game they forget that we each are etenral beings, and that we go to a palace after we are done. I want my Heavenly Father to be proud, I spoke truth.
And that I never forget my Mama Linda. That I will hear the words, ” enter into they rest, thou good and faithful servant.” To keep all this I. For fear is just not helpful. We all need to know our affect. And Mama Linda just learned the affect her actions had on me.
If she can’t take the truth? Well, excuse me. You did that to me. You just didnt realize it. If my family is mad because I voiced my viewpoint? Well, get over it. Suck it up. Ok? That’s what I had to do at two days old. Suck it up and move on.
We all have a choice when we hear someone truth. We can deny it, we can block it, we can take it personally, or, we can listen and allow them to vent what they held inside for way to long. Becasue validation is all anyone needs. Just for someone to see what we went through.
I would certainly like to validate my Mama Linda’s struggles. But evidently she had none. So. Great! Glad it was so fun for you. I could not agree. But great for her. Yipee. She moved on and didnt have a care. Awesome.
I am just not like that. And adoption made me different about family and all. Excuse me for not being ok with it. The only way to change things is to show what you have and hope something new will show up. I still wait. Waiting. Waiting.
My family has not stepped up to thee plate yet.
But I pray they will. Before it’s to late.
Thanks for diving deep with me