Letter to Chelsie lynn

Dear Chelsie Lynn-

I am writing today formally as your Mother. I do not write you as some sloppy woman whom you have mushy emotions with. Because evidently you have no sloppy emotions that you feel for me, as I do for my Mothers. Why do I say that? Well. Your actions or lack of actions. 

I have sloppy emotions about you, the child made from my body. But evidently that is not sufficient for you and you enjoy being with people who treat the woman you were made from as some kind of crazy bat that needs professional help? Very interesting indeed. 

By saying nothing about it, by doing nothing about it, you say its ok. Yes………We all have an affect in this world. Your silence has left me here to stand up for who I am without even a call or a card from you in my transformation. My Mama has not forgotten me, but I am not what she expected. You have an excellent position in helping her to see the beauty you appeared to see in me at one time? 

I remember how much I love you. How much do you love me? Is it love that keeps you from calling me and accepting me as I am? Is t love that causes you to block my emails? Is it love that causes you to change your number and not tell me? Was it love that causes you to leave me? And to not even tell me where you were? So I had to chase you? 

Have I not chased you enough to prove my love for you? I hope you have found some fashion use for the scarf I sent you? And the shirt. I thought I would look so cute on you. You are stunning you know? So beautiful. A beauty that goes beyond the body. 

I mean so what your Mama blew her top all over her blog. I have not changed in being visible. And I so needed to. And it’s healthy to get stuff out so we can move on. No? Doesn’t your counselor show you that? I certainly hope she not just pumping you for pain and getting paid for it. Counselors are supposed to teach us how to do it for ourselves. They are just there like mental, verbal coaches to help us say the hard things. We need to practice what we learn. And if are not learning, we need to move on until we find what we need to help us. 

I came clean here to show you how I do it. I did it the authentic way. Sloppy emotions and all. To show you how to speak truth and how to get free of worrying what others think. I surely think you are magnificent. Maybe hurting from some stuff you picked up along the way of growing up? I obviously did too, as we can read here. 

That’s not where it ends though. Only if that is what you choose to say or see, and are not able to see a be way.  There is more when we speak it and accept it, old truths lets go of us. Which makes room for new truth to come in. It’s like an abusive relationship with ideas from days gone by that need to be called out so they can go. Like friends that are mean and we just keep letting them be like that and don’t tell them so they can change? This is where change is, truth wipes the slate, because we call it out of the darkness of the unconscious mind. We name it and it has been had. Those old truths let go as we confess them out loud. When we see old truths we wish to change and call them out loud, they are exposed and must go. It works. 

I just wanted to share it with you. My side. I hope you will share your side soon.

 I miss you so.  

If Jesus says, if you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you” 

How do we think Jesus feels about being ashamed of your Mother? 

There is no shame in my game. And there is no shame in your game darling. Grace covers all we have confessed to another. And especially when we confess to the one we have missed the marks with. 

I confess I missed a lot of marks as your Mama. I learn too. I am corrected my my commander God as your leader here. I ask before all for forgiveness for my missed marks. I ask that we do this so we can release all guilt and pain so we can walk in grace together. Confession puts it under the blood. Once under the blood, it gone and thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. As god words says. We learn and are stronger and do not fall their again. 

Well. Love you sweetheart. Can’t wait to hear from you and see you. I so want to give you all the love I saved for you during this time apart. 

Thank you for diving deep with me today
God bless you. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s