Some people run to a challenge and some run away. Life is filled with challenges. And we can either face them and push through, or run and have them chase us down. When I came back home to my Bio family, that was the challenge. And to fully integrate into your family of origin it takes guts and moxy.
It also takes the fortitude to tell the truth so that you can be seen for who you really are and be understood. Who can understand anyone without their story to give others the content to grasp what your life was like? And to also give them the intel as to what shaped your life and made you who you are.
We each are unique. Adoptees are quite unique in that we have two full families. It’s much like children of divorce. We have lived with many characters in my play of life and have had many script changes like a soap opera of life. My Mama evidently thought she had written me out of her Soap opera completely, only to find out that God thought differently.
I follow God, the universe. And God lead me home. So God wants me written back in. But how can my family accept me back in without knowing me fully? I may be strange, due to being raised by a stranger, but I am still family. But many things are strange and foreign at first. Many strange things and people are maybe scary at first. It is all about perspective. I looked at it as a challenge to be met with guts and truth like Mama Jean taught me.
I feel that all this truth telling is just part of plowing the ground for a new relationship to be planted. How can my sisters and family rise to the occasion without my intel as to who I am? How can We know our lines without the lines from an old character written back into our minds? People act like adoptees should just stay dead to the old story they began from? That’s kind of silly? In my viewpoint. We are still alive and we are still a part of the play of our Mothers and our families lives. Just that our old stories seem sad and need to change.
I am an actor in my families play that God sent back to write me back into. And it’s taken me 24 years to figure out my part and place. I have a place, that has been left open. And I am unique and maybe scary to my family? My Mama did act scared when I showed up uninvited? Her eyes wild with what looked like a nightmare story line inside her head? But I came to work it out and just got kicked out? Seriously folks that’s not how it works.
I guess she has a hard time with challenges? Maybe she struggles to learn new scripts? Not everyone’s strong in learning new things? But I don’t give up on her. She’s who I am made from and I have learned many new lines and characters and parts in my life, so I am confident she will rise to her new lines and she will embrace this character she birthed so long ago.
My family is extremely private. And that’s ok. But this world is not. We always find out. And the scriptures even tell about those things that are in darkness and that they will be brought into the light. Hello!! So it’s a good thing that I am back. They will realize that light is good when they wake up. And they will see that our family is growing richer and that new growth is good.
Shit grows good gardens. And our family garden was fallow and stale. It needed some good shit to make each character like a beautiful flower grow to its fullest potential. People think shits bad. Manure is what we put on plants and gardens. And it helps the plants grow. It nourishes them. Families are no different. The only bad thing is to hold your shit in? It can not nourish or help if held in, after time? It rots within us and makes us sick. You have to poop or you begin to stink and have stinkin thinkin.
Feelings that are negative are on the flip side of a subject. They add constrast to a dull scene. As I see it, we need the negative to make a proper photo. Now a days we have the digital world which hides that fact that beautiful photos are made from a negative. Technology in its amazing way has kind of hidden the process and we lack the mental and visual to see how a true picture is actually formed in a darkroom? Yes. We snap a picture and then we go into a darkroom and process it and when we imerge we have a gorgeous photo to frame and display.
Without the negative we have no photo and no contrast. Challenges are much like negatives, without a challenge we are not able to process the negative to see the positive from it. All is learning and their is only shame if we deem shame there? We are the deemers of shame, not god. We can choose to believe that grace is real and walk in it? Or we can stay with shame and drowned in it.
Let’s meet the challenges in life shall we? Let’s rise to the occasion and be strengthened by it. This scene has just truly begun and this character has finally shared her lines and life experiences so her family can rise to their parts. They choose, they will rise. I know they will. Why? Because I thrive on challenge and do not back down from what god has brought me into. And they to will see with my help and showing them the way to have what we need, not what we think we want?
God knows best and we best be following god if we want the promised land, now right? Yes. God tells us that we are not fit for the kingdom if we shrink back or turn around. We must plow the feild to plant the crop. Families are crops. The mind is the ground I plow in my family to work it up and plant the seeds of faith to grow in. Let’s not be weary in our well doing for in due season we shall reap.
Thank you for diving deep with me today