I had the most wonderful dream last night. I was in a crowded place with lots of people talking. And t was loud. I was surrounded by people talking about everything. And then my Mama showed up. And we started to walk down some stairs together. There were people on the stairs too. We walked and talked. She was taking me somewhere. I was glad she came to get me out of that loud place. The people were nice enough, but it was very loud.
Then the scene changed and she and I were in a city. And we found a bench to sit on. She pulled out an old cigarette. It looked like she had been holding onto it for some time. So I pulled out my cigarettes and asked her what kind she smoked. I told her about mine and why I smoked them. And it was so nice just talking to her.
The air between us was clean and clear. No garbage. She was my Mama and my friend. And we shared freely together there watching the city lights and the buildings. I lit my cigarette and said to her,”I think I came here to experience this, being adopted to report what it’s like” and she listened with love in her heart for me. All our issues had melted away and the woman beside me was my Mama I remembered from so long ago.
The feeling real resonated with me. I feel god was showing me my desire was within reach at last. Dreams help us drug our times of trial. God has given me dreams before. But this was my first dream with my Mama that was like that. Clean and clear and just love. I didn’t have to be any way other than me. And she accepted me completely, like Mama Jean.
Mama Jean did not know how I should be. She did not know my Mama. And has always accepted what ever showed up. She did that the day she found out about me. She just said yes and took what god sent to be her child. I want that with Mama. A relationship that’s founded on truth and the ability to be who we ar no matter weather is up or down. We love and learn and grow together no matter what.
See Mama jean and I share everything. There are no rules except honesty and love. We may fight. But we always love and no blocking is allowed. Complete disclosure is our foundation. Nothing can be founded truly on a lie. And Mama jean drove that home in me. That’s why when god told me to finally tell her, I found the courage to do so. Knowing she would understand and love me through it.
What child would not want to share that kind of love with their Mama they came from? It’s deep and strong and lasting. Mama Jeans got an eye for quality. This I know. Cuz she’s hug onto me like no other. So all this stuff I have said was what everyone else just said. But it was blocking my view. And Mama Linda and I needed to update. She needed to know what her girl has gone through for her. Yes her.
To know what I went through makes us have compassion and empathy for each other. T does not take away at all. It adds flavor to a pasty mess. And Mama Linda loves flavor, she loves to cook good food. But we lacked this flavor of our lives just for not adding it to the recipe. We needed all the ingredients to make this meal pop.
I take this dream as a sign that we have come through it. And that this dream we both share of having a strong real relationship is true beyond all that has been shared. I am grateful for a God that gives us dreams to hold to. For they do come true.
Thank you for diving deep with me today