I release. An Adoptee speaks. 

An email I wrote and sent to Mama Linda. 

My response to Ephesians 5

I am praying this prayer with you by email which is a point of contact. So when two or more are touching and asking we agree together. I release to pattern of rejections and feeling rejected. 

I accept the pattern of being lovingly accepted and divinely loved

And we vibrate divine love. 

Amen. 

I am honored to know the real you. Thank you for showing me your demons. I am grateful to know you completely. And to see that that pattern was from our past together. God has used us both to clean it up by confessing to each other. I forgive you for thinking I was a curse. I release the pattern of thinking I was a curse to my Mama. I accept the pattern of being an adored loved child of two wonderful woman who walked this life together, hand in hand with god in the middle. I vibrate divine love. And I am grateful to have these two wonderfully strong woman as my ‘Moms. Crazy pasts and all. They still rock to me. 

Your kind of cute when you are mad Mama. I love all those scriptures flying at the speed of light! I had my mitt on, I caught them all and looked to see, I already wrote them on my heart. 

Galatians 5:22-23New International Version (NIV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Love is soft and tough at the same time

Love is an action including protection and not giving up on someone. 
Peace is what the truth get you when you speak it so it can show you what you learned from that truth that is now old. Peace is when you have fought and face the demons from days gone by and your ancestors demons untamed. 
Forbearance- 
a delay in enforcing rights or claims or privileges; refraining from acting

It took me 50 years to stand up for what god told me was mine by the birth right God gives each us by giving us DNA to act as a ticket to the person whom you were made from to gain access back into your family line and tribe. 

Kindness – 

kind·ness

ˈkīn(d)nəs/

noun

noun: kindness

the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.
I have considered you and Mama Jean for My whole life. Your needs have been my highest priority and concern. I feel that 50 years is long enough to hold my tongue so you to could have what you both wanted. I feel that 50 years a generous amount of time to live with the idea that I was feeling great about my adoption and as though it went off like no big deal to you two. I feel I held my head high and rocked being an adoptee for you both. Have I not played this game long enough for you? Have I not given my place for long enough for my sisters to have? They have had you all to their selves for what I feel is long enough. I have a DNA ticket to this ball. But you need to know the real me. I like me. All of me. 

 It this is the crap you left me with. I wanted and god too, to show you what I carried for you. And that that did not extinguish my love for you. 
Joy- in finding you with gods help. Joy that god named me after you both without either of you knowing. Joy at finding out that nothing could stop me from loving you. Not even being called a demon. 
Gentleness- I again feel that 50 years are is gentle enough. And 24+ years is gentle to wake you up to my truth about it. I believe I waited long enough and took my time telling you as gentle as I could. 

Self-control- waiting 30 years to search for you is a lot of self control, especially when I wanted you back so bad. Allowing god to use me when I did not really enjoy what god was doing takes a lot of self control. 
You have lived what you thought was a full life without me. Do you not have enough room for more fullness? When will you be ready to call me a blessing in your life? And is not the way to do that merely a matter of the mind? Putting your mind to just allowing god to bless you? How can a blessing come if it is still called a curse and treated like on?

I’m an idea no ones heard of. I’ve got ideas no ones heard of. God gave them to me with this life I have lived I learned many things folks don’t see and need to see to grow spiritually. I e taught Mama Jean a thing or to from you. And she’s taught me things from her. So of course I will be different? But I am not bad. I am unique. 

I forgive you. Forgive me. And forgive yourself. 
Take care. 

Belinda 

  

 

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