Like most kids I guess, who give there Mamas hell for their short comings. Mine are no different. But to a Mama like me it hurts. Cuz I’ve done the best I could with what you can see I was given. And I kept them. I worked to nurture them and to help them to be strong humans, for the day when I would no longer be here. So they would not have to figure it out without my guidance and presence like I did. I spend enormous amounts of time that most folks take for granted, to create memories. Memories that I myself cherish in a time like this.
And if I have failed and fallen down on the task. I’d did not get there alone. For this is what adoption taught me. This is what this world deems acceptable for me. I had to go through life without my Mama to turn to. I had to take what I was give and try to do my best. I feel I did quite well. For they are fine people, my children. They do well in this turned around life I was given to make their way.
My youngest. Who is the third born like me. She is a sensitive, caring young woman who helps the down trodden. I am proud of that. I am pleased to see what she has done with the Megger crumbs I gave her from my broken life to work with. She basks in the presence of the Mama I long for. She has my Mama love and support as I work to gain it.
My eldest is strong. She’s a veteran. And she been through a lot in her life. She has been my Erin. My rock in times of storm and fire. She’s an amazing young woman who gives to everyone. She gives what she wants to receive herself. Just like her Mama. She’s amazing to watch in action. I am pleased with her life and her choices.
My son is amazing too. He is an inventor. And he is also compassionate and caring of those who are down trodden. He works as hard as he can without a Dad to follow. He strives o be the best he can be. All my kids work with what I gave them.
But I want to give them more, as every Mama does. At least this Mama does. That is. I want them to experience family for real. I wish for them all to see their Mama be accepted. And to see gods power through that experience. As God graphs me back into what was taken.
They get upset with me. I talk about this a lot. And it upsets them because they feel my pain. And they don’t know what to do. Because they, like me, carry the wound of my Mama. And it heavy at times. And they just want a break. My youngest wants to drink tea and talk. Like we used too before all this consumed her Mama. She wants her Mama back. And so do I. That’s why I work here. To bring things to light that have been in dark places. So we all can heal.
Thanks for diving deeper and deeper with me.