It is so messed up. An adoptee speaks

It is so messed up. My Mom and me like this. She tells me she was just a carrier for me. And that sounds so nice. Why are not all woman just carriers for their children? Why do some woman act so selfish by keeping their kids? If giving them away is so benevolent, and kind? I guess God needs woman to do this, because God does not know what God is doing when God sent the children God sent to the woman  God sent them too.

I guess it is my bad for not getting God. I guess I am just crazy to think that God knew exactly what God was doing when God sent me to my Mother. I guess I just don’t get it.

Someone please tell me, why  God sends any children at all if we can just rearrange what God does? And then slap our God stamp on it. Excuse me.

But what I see is something different. I see a divine order in what God does. And I see a race that thinks they know what they do is better than what the creator does.

Why did I feel out of place for my whole life? I guess I am just not enlightened enough to see Gods great plan?

We have a free will. Yes. We do. But it is not free. Our free will have affects on those we inflict them on. Like a ripple affect in a pond. Why did I not get the memo?

Why did my feelings not agree with the status quo? That is my question?

Why is adoption unselfish? And why is keeping a child not looked upon as selfish if that is true? Why?

Why are some children worthy to be kept? And some unworthy to be kept by their Mothers? Did God get it wrong? Or did we get it wrong? Did the Mother get it wrong?

The way I see it, if adoption is God, the keeping a child is the devil.

We paint it the way we want to. But is God pleased with us messing up Gods picture?

If a child is a gift and we don’t receive it and unwrap it, and we regift it, is God pleased that we do so? Is God please that a woman has not even received the gift the bible says we are?

There is no intelligent answer to that question. The sentence is sill just to read.

I never in all my days could imagine my Mother would be so stubborn and bull headed. Never. And yet tonight, I read her email and I see that she is. I see that she can not see God at all working here. Evidently she’s got the 411, and God better get with it and realize that.

My Mother must read another bible than me and serve another God than me. Because my bible says I am a gift, and she blocked her gift and blocks her gift and blocks her gift. What is that? Oh, right, God again.

I ask Jesus tonight before all of you here, to help my Mama see the light. I ask for the scales be remove from my mothers eyes so she can see clearly again. Act 9:18. I ask that you would soften my mothers heart towards me, her daughter. I ask that you would help me and I ask this before the world.  And I ask that those who read this blog would pray for my Mother to see what I am trying to show her. I ask for myself to see what I need to see here, what you brought me back for.  I ask that her wound would be revealed to her, the wound in her mind that keeps her at odds with me today. I ask for a miracle in our relationship. I ask God for you to take my case and for you to defend me in this matter. I ask for you to restore what the locust have eaten as you did in Joel 2:25. I give you praise for getting me this far. I give you praise for loving me enough to bring me back to my family. I give you praise for getting me home all the way and healing this. Amen

 

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