Everyone kept tell me to let go. But what of was my question? How could I really consciously know what was needing to let go unless I congested how I felt? And there is where I gained the understanding of what exactly I needed to let go of.
Surely I am not supposed to let go of my Mother? That’s just silly. She still lives. She’s not dead. And yet a part of us did need to go and to die. My truth when spoken showed me what part of us that was unhealthy. My truth showed me the truths between us that needed to change and be let go of.
But if she did not have my truth to show her what to let go of we just hung onto an old song and dance that was way out of sync with the natural flow of a daughter and a mother. People have said to let go of my Mother. Do they realize what they are asking me to do? Is that what they have done with their precious Mothers? I think not. People say some silly things to adoptees thinking they have the 411 for us.
Well. That is not what my heart said. People who have never been separated from their mothers like I was have no idea what that even means, let alone what t truly feels like. If you have not experienced relinquishment and separation you really have no business advising me.
If I can not accept my Mothers ugly truth, what kind of a daughter am I? Not a very good one. But does accepting her truth mean that she and I must stay this way? Well of course not. When our kids make a mess, we must accept that they did so. We do not just leave it at acceptance though. We direct them and teach them to clean them up and so help them to see that in life just because we made a mess does not mean we have to sit in that mess and stay there.
My Mama and I are accepting the mess adoption made of us. And we will clean it up together. Side by side, mother and daughter we will learn and grow from this mess the stories that have had us off track and discombobulated. Our truth have made visible the areas we each must learn of one another. And in that learning our relationship grows deeper and richer for such authentic communication of where we came from.
It is my hope for all to do the work as she and I do. As folks read about our journey home to one another and to healing. It is my intention to give folks hope that coming home can happen for real. Not just a lollipop experience. But that we can truly be family for real with our fights, our tears and our love under it all.
Thank you for diving deep.