My cousin told me my Mother was gonna need a long time to adjust? Like 25 years is not enough? What the hell? She knew. On a intuitive level she knew. Like no mother does not know what’s up with their kid. My Mom just didn’t want to face it.
So. I faced it with here. I held her hand. I called all the demons out! And with my love I shocked them in the nose. You see truth is only truth when we believe it. And the truths I have spoken have lost their hold. The day I launched my truth at those thoughts and made them exposed. They could no longer linger in my Mothers life. Light exposes darkness.
My mom was tellin herself a lie if she was telling herself it was easy for me or her for that matter. Giving a child away is hard. So hard my mom struggles to even speak of it to the one who needs to hear it.
My Cousin is wrong about my Mom. Dead wrong. My mom is one of the strongest woman I know. And she’s turned around. Yes, but now that she can see, now that the darkness, the unknowned to her mind has been lit up, she can see clearly. She needed that desperately. She was in the dark and so was I, there in spirit holding her hand so long. Sending my love across the wire of our shared DNA connection. I loved her.
And a child knows instinctually what their mother needs and what they need. So the do what they do. We are gifts from our mothers, to our mothers. And I am the sensitive one. The one who feels my Mothers pain so that it can be healed. My Mamas a rock. She stand strong. But when you are standing on shaky ground even the strongest fall.
Our relationship was not on the rock of truth if our truths were different. We share this together. No one is untouched by my relinquishment in my family. No one. My absence is felt by all in my family. I am a price of the pie. Fact. And I am no more important than the others. If one of my sisters goes missing? We are missing her. But we all have value. I have value too.
But if your story is without a major player, like the quarter back? Your game is out of wack. How can you win life’s game without all the players? A family is a team. I am a team player. Oh yes I am. And with gods help my truth has torn down all strongholds of thought that say different. DNA links me. DNA is gods design. So you really can not argue with DNA.
Adoption leads us to believe we can argue. We can change the placement of a child within a family. And free will seems to have given folks an entitled attitude it’s ok to move gods gifts around and do what we the created want with what the creator has made and placed. I do not see God being moved by such arguments. Instead what I saw was god giving one of his children removed and placed somewhere else a green light to go back to her original place. Yep. Arrogant my cousin calls me. No. I am sure and confident of my place. I prayed and asked god for gods will. Now of course she could give a hoot about god. She told me herself. She is not a believer.
Well this universe wanted me home and in my place. To many miracles and seridipity’s have happened that lead me straight to my Mother. Like the woman who came into the store I worked at, who was from my Mothers hometown? Hmmm? And when I asked her if she knew the man that answered my add? She said, yes. And within about a minute let’s say, it was quite fast. She remembered my grandfathers name and then blurted out my Mothers name? That was the first time I knew I had been named after her. That was the first time I knew her name. That’s no mistake. God lead that woman straight to me with the info I needed to do what god was leading to do, go home.
My cousin can babble all she wants. She does not know my Mither at all. But I do. For she lives in me. In my fibers and my frame. I sound like her. I act like her and I don’t put up with bullshit like her. Except my mom swallowed a lie and I have to fish it out. Cuz it’s killing us. Daughters love their mothers. And this daughter dies not give up on the woman god made her from. Nope.
And when the road gets tough. The tough fix the road. My mother did not know such a great love was in me. She was told different. And she believed it cuz that all she could do. But now she knows different. And she will do different. You watch. She will. That woman’s as strong as an oxe when you get her going in the right direction and give her the truth! Watch out! Mama bear right there!
Well cousin dear, your anger does not faze me. I can see why my Mother chose not to tell you about me. You are out of your league. That’s why you had to hang up on me. No bullets to shoot with. I do not hate you, but I do not like your thoughts for sure. And evidently you do not like mine. But I called to work it out, you hung up which tells me you do not wish to work it out. You wish to hold onto the old stinky ideas that you brought up when I told you where I was coming from.
I am confident my Mother will rise and meet me here to proclaim her love as well. Now that I cut the lies from her heart that keep her bound. Her lips and throat now free to proclaim her love as well. Now I wait. Mother love is strong. Mother love wins.
Thank you for diving deep with me.
God bless you mama. Both of you.