People will judge your actions

But that’s only cuz they don’t understand. And without the content to your story they stay in a dark place without your light. My families in the dark. And I am in the dark with them. Why? Cuz they are not giving me the content to understand? They think this about me. Not knowing what it is like to be me. 

So I came here to air it out. Hoping maybe just maybe my content could help light up their dark minds that think I am crazy. To show them what it was like growing up without them. 

See if my moms a table with only three legs. Cuz she’s got four daughters not three. Then I am a table without legs at all. Cuz three sister and a mom are four. Sooo. You can see why I look unstable without my legs. The legs that are attached to me spiritually, but not physically. And this girls wants to be stable. But my family has got to get where I am coming from. 

So I just keep writing to give them the context to my story so we can rewrite a new one including everyone that is a part of this family. Including me. 

I wonder what it must be lol me for my baby who love es up there that watch her gramma act lol me she is towards her precious Mama? She a sensitive one like me. Mama JeAn, her Nana says she is me. So I wonder what that mini me sees? I know she wants it better. 

She’s got a front row seat for sure. Seeing her aunties and cousins go on without there sister as if I am dead. But she there shining her light so bright trying to show them the good in me, the good I taught her. With my life as her Mama. I never give up on my babies. Never. To do so is to give up on a part of me you see. 

And that girls me for sure. And I am counting on her light to shine. She’s got what it takes. I made sure if it. She’s strong. And a good person through and through. I know. I get upset. Sure. She seems turned around too? Like thy have cast a spell on her, making her believe something is wrong with her Mama. 

But the buck stops here at this blog as I air my truth. So she can see the truth before her there. My Mamas got shit on me. Shit from days gone by. And each time I come around she tries to throw it at me. Well. I threw it back. Not mine. You can read mine right here. I told the truth. My truth. 

And folks that don’t know their own truth can’t see another’s. I now see beyond mine that there is a story running on auto pilot that my Mama don’t want to give up and its been blocking the blessing of me. The blessing that I am and always have been being raised away from her so she did not have to look at it and maybe see another side. Gods side. 

God made me from her. That’s a good thing. But another raised me different. And Mama jean sees things no one else can. That is her gift to us. And my mama just needs to get over herself and fess up. That is the only way to ultimate truth. Speak it so we all can learn the content that she hid for YEARS! 

Judging is just someone who doesn’t know trying to level it so they can move on. God calls us not to judge. Well. Give me the content Mama. To your story. You know that one you e been hiding from everyone! We are family. I don’t back down when god calls me home. Your blocking me is getting so old and stinks. Clean it out and up. 

My baby told me, “why can’t we just talk over tea?” She learned that from me. When my kids were young and came home from school, she was a baby, but I would make a snack and we would sit at the table and I would listen to my children talk about their day. And I would help them like a Mama should. She learned to talk about hard stuff with me. We dealt with stuff. They learned to confront things and be the change they wanted to see. 

When my baby was in elementary school she stared a club. And she was a leader to those girls. Teaching them what I taught her. She encourages them and loved them hard. When she was in middle school she stared a support group for cutters. Made contracts they signed to stop cutting. And got them to talk about their pain. What a brace girls she is. 

It must be hard being away from me. We are close she and I. And I love her dearly. 

When people judge you send that shit back to where it’s coming from. Tell your truth so they can clearly see where you are, so they can find their way back to center. A center with no need for judgement. A center full of content so everyone’s got the story straight. 

Thank you for diving deep with me

God bless you. 

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