I just had a conversation with a family member on my Mothers side. And it was tough. I called hoping to build a bridge of truth. But I was hung up on. And so. I forgive this person, and I forgive myself.
I am who I am. And if who I am at the core is not acceptable, then I am only required to forgive and let go. Not what I trully wanted, no. But not everyone can get past the past as I saw in our conversation. We can sort it if we wish to get past it. And we can articulate. But if someone just hangs up, that means they are just unable to move forward.
My truth has touched a lot. My truth has been construed as arrogant and self absorbed. But if both side are unable to voice and complete the process, how can we each know where the other is trully at? How can I know why folks do what they do? If we both are unable to articulate our feelings and square up? How can we truly move on? I only wish to understand and my family. But some folks just would rather keep it to themselves. I accept that today.
My intention in calling this family member was not to talk about the past. But the past was brought up. And I see that she had a wound as well. My truth wounded her. And I pray that god will heal it. For I am unable to. My words fall on ears that are not able to hear my heart and only have held onto pain again.
I wish her well. I do. And people don’t like their shit aired out in public. I see that for sure. Jesus died for speaking truth no one wanted to hear. He dies because folks wanted to squash his voice because it meant they had to change and look at their actions.
I have aired my truth for all to see. And have owned it by doing so. I own that that is where I was. But I do not need to go back any longer to a part of my past that is not able to accept me as I am. And that was a part of me and in some way still is. For we never forget. We only forgive. Understanding helps us. But if we are not willing to understand, we stay as we are.
I thank this person openly before you now. I had hoped for more. Yes, as well all do. We want more, we desire deeper connections. But I accept that her boundary was set when she hung up on me. I accept that boundary. And I will move on without her having come full circle with me. I send blessing to this person. Now and forever more.
Thank you for diving deep with me today.
God bless us all.