I went to a shaman and officially found out I am an empath. Which means I read feelings. My aura was so far out I could feel everyone’s shit.
My recent activity’s blogging was me doing a purge, Of my truth growing up. I needed to get it out so I could heal my wounding from relinquishment. Well, more like my wounded identity that was attached to my Moms wound about being prego with me. If anyone wants to tell me that I did not feel that shit? They are the crazy ones. I felt it. And carried it until I could confront her with it and give that shit back. I am a blessing, straight up.
Finding out for sure that I am empathic was huge! I have always picked up on folks feelings, and not everyone is in touch with their feelings and emotions. And my gift shines the light onto the deeper conversations that our body has going on. Not everyone wants the light turned on, but like can we turn off the sun? I have this gift for a reason and Now, I begin. To learn about my gift and why I have it. I feel and pick up what people are feeling and am now learning to create boundaries. I imagine because I never created a healthy boundary with my bio mom. I stayed connected to her. And worked to send her love, to heal her wound of thinking I was a curse on her life. And her guilt for giving me up. But it is time to let go of her energy, especially if she does not want to come clean. I don’t need to hold onto someone who stays dirty emotionally, hiding guilt and trying to tell herself she fine.
The shaman cleared out my chakras and I felt my base chakra clear of the wounds I carried that were my Mothers. As soon as she cleared it, I began to giggle. And it was like saying goodbye to my Mothers energy. Felts so good. My base chakra was off with that ugly truth in there breaking up my truth. The truth that all children are a blessing. Not a curse from God for what woman have been told is bad behavior. Procreation is a God given duty. If we don’t procreate, how will we have a future? And if we judge how children come into our lives by a standard from days gone by, made up by men who want to just control woman, what is the deal? We digress.
I grew up with that stuff from the womb trapped in my little heart and carried it until today. As I said, as she cleared my base chakra, I began to giggle. It felt good to let it go. It was like an energetic umbilical cord was cut. She told me many things that will help me. I am grateful, for today is the beginning of a new chapter for me without my Mothers old story. Growing up after steeping in her story, like acid on my little psyche. Her thoughts of me, like demons hunting me down, dragging me down. She tries to tell me she has not dirt, but she does not seem to be aware of her actions. That scream at me! That show me a undertow of a story that drug me in, and showed me her wound.
I will never forget what it felt like to be rejected and abandoned by my own Mother. The scare will always be there. But the feelings are gone and that is such a relief. Such a load off my emotional shoulders. Now, what my Mother thinks of me can not rule me. I faced my her here in front of you all. To show folks my process of getting free. Free of a narrative from my past, from my conception, from hell itself, which is nothing more than ignorance folks. My Mothers thoughts were the demons that chased me, embedded in my psyche as I rode within her and heard it all. She can not run from he one who heard it. For God, at the right time, after I was ready to stand up, showed it all to me from the fibers of myself. We are like computers, the data is there, hidden behind the stories we tell ourselves and the stories others tell us to paint a new picture over an old one. The old story just bleeds through.
My Mother got rid of me, to protect me from her mind and what she thought of me and my father. But I am grown now, and in the end, she hurt me more by lying to herself. Lies are vibrations, and DNA is an invisible cord that connects us, her lies vibrated in me by DNA. So God had to show me, for ignorance must be eradicated by education. My people parish for lack of knowledge it says in scripture. Education is the only way to silence the demons of ignorance. That is why truth is so important. And that we must speak it. But when someone is silent and blocks you, trust that you hit the mark, and they are only trying to hide their ignorance, from you and ultimately from God.
I guess my truth is that I have always had this gift. But just now woke up to it. You know, its like something you do, that others can not? You see and feel things others can not see? I mean people just come up to me and start telling me their life story and there pain and I listen and do what spirit shows me. For when your parents forsake you, the Lord will take you up. So the day my Bio Mom gave me away, God took me in, I was Gods child. And God used Mama Jean to train me. God through her, trained me for this day, the day I would confront my Mothers psychosis. Everyone needs feedback. Even Mama’s do, how can the spirit in her learn if she does not realize the affect she had on her baby girl? What Mother would not want to know? Like really? I get that there are many who do not, but that is not the norm. Most Mothers want to know it all! Like me. I love hearing it all from my kids, and giving them feedback to help them along life’s path. Isn’t that what the greatest life coach you can ever be given supposed to do? Mother, the life coach you grow from.
I will write more as I am going along. And I invite questions from anyone who would like to ask. I have not done this to hurt anyone. But to show my hurt. So people can see someone get free. I feel so grateful that god guides us and that when we are ready healing is there.
Thank you for diving deep with me