My Mothers Psychosis- an adoptee story continued

Well, you read that right. My mother has psychosis. And psychosis if you don’t know mean to loose grasp of reality. To not be in the whole world. To have a very limited view point. Or in ones own world without awareness of the fact that each person has their own world and that we are not to be an island of our own we are all related. 

My moms both had a bit of it. Mama Jean clearly came in first to the accepting of my world and widening her view of things. And my feelings which seemed to validate a deep knowing she had inside her, and subsequently allowing her to release the pain she carried for years with me. It was a relief for her to finally have me come clean with my own Mouth. For her gut knew the truth. She raised me and loves me dearly. She knew I had a deep torment. And supported my coming out with it. It was horrific for us both. Her to finally hear it and me to finally say it. It was a big weigh lifted and an energy accounted for. 

But, Mama Linda, did and has not been doing her homework. She, thinking she had a hall pass, skipped out of class and tried, mind you, she can no longer run. I called her out in front of you. I, her child have told my truth to all of you and to her here. Freedom at last. I am free at last. As Martin Luther king said. With My paraphrase. And there’s nothing she can do about it. She gave control to a woman she had never met and God, made sure that woman trained me well. God did. 

Cuz, my Mama done lost her god loving mind folks. Any Mama that gives there baby away when god sent it, is Cra, Cra!! Ok? Ok.  Like whatever! Not right! It’s left. Away from the gift the Bible says that children are, she thinks she can regift a baby?! Hello! We need to look at this! Can I get an amen? Amen. 

Cuz this baby girl did not like how it made me feel. Ok? Ouch! Where in the hell is my Mommy? Why do I have to have two Mommys? This is complicated? Lordy. Frustrating! Oh now you did it. I just learned this Mama? I need to learn another? 

Many woman who have fallen prey to relinquishment have wept and mourned there loss and vowed to make it right. And those woman search to recover the gift and to begin to open them, get to know them, and enjoy them. You know, the ones called adopted who have been taken from our Mothers and given to strangers? And we are supposed to be happy with that? Mercy me! No! 

People are messing with gods eco system folks. Gods! And we are rearranging a very complex web of DNA and making knots?! Look at it! Knots. 😞 folks we need to do better! Cuz we are about to know better! My truth TRUMPS your truth! You read me? You copy? I am weighing in. Not a good thing. No! BUT LISTEN, I lived it. I felt it. It hurts like hell. you can not make this shit up. Ok? I done lived the quote unquote fairytales? How about the truth? From my mouth? 

And society is like My Mama! You all think with your brains? Does god live in your brain? Not Unless you invite him? You must invite god into all of you, even that batch shit crazy mind. And adoption is tearing us the adoptees hearts out and making it soooo hard to ground, fit in, and be able to attach to folks, it takes us years to recover at all. Hello! We struggle not knowing what happens to our Mothers? And we know you are telling us stories. For the law, our Mothers law is written by way of DNA onto our hearts. Like we rode in her! We are from her! She in our form and fiber. We breath due to her. 

People may tell you to give up on your Mama. DONT YOU LISTEN TO THEM! If god calls you back to your Mama! And I mean if your heart wants her. That’s god honey. Do it! It ain’t gonna be easy dealin with her turned around mind. But don’t give up. I mean you can’t leave her out to lunch believing what everyone else said? She needs the truth from you to wake the hell up! And God will support you and guide you. But it will be hard and it will test your faith in your own heart. But keep going!

Psychosis is not a disease in the sense of terminal. She is just turned around? She’s just in a whole Mother library than me? Down the street? But I am leaving her clues. And messing up her mind cuz dust is on top of that real story, a whole Lot of dust. You know the one that is so deep inside her where no one, not even her, until her child, a tornado herself blew it off. And the dust was so heavy. And the pain so deep. That it took god guiding me to blow my truth like a trumpet at her truth. And it cut it away, with the sword of the that truth. To expose it and escavate it to heal it. Don’t give up. 

We need to look at this for what it is. A man made way to rid woman of shame and lower status. Woman like our Mothers and especially Mother who have kept their children. They all are being challenged and attacked for conceiving without a proper license, (a marrige license) For profit. To rid the child of the aweful stain upon their family name, so hanous a stain We had to be removed forever from our mother and our family of origin.  Not ok folks. And I am calling bullshit!

Adoption kills. It cause children to have so much distress they just end it. The pain no one can see. I almost did. But god spoke to me. And I chose to stay. Well, I can’t let them win. And readin this, Now you know why! I chose to stay to tell my honest report of my findings from my own experience. It is taxing on the body of us. It is trying to hold a child out of place from the universe, who placed it somewhere else. It is feeling out of place because you are out of place. And the people who adopt, are part of the cause. They want children? And can not believe that god can do that? If you adopt, you are not helping connect or support that child’s family? Plain and simple. You have been an accessory to the separation of a child for the woman god gave her too. You will pay a price. Mama jean has. 

You have stolen that woman’s blessing, her gift. If you read the Bible. Its right there. In black, red and white. From an illegitimate child himself, Jesus. Mary did not rid herself of Jesus. Even though no one believed her story? Well at least not the Jews? They still follow the Old Testament. Jesus was a child without a physical father, hello? Like a dead beat Dad if you think about it? God was not there? Do you think folks believed her? They killed him? But god did not Show himself? Was he there physically? ? Have I missed that part and do I need to go back and read again? And yet we talk about Jesus all day long. Folks tell that story but can’t follow Mary?  

No. god was there. And mary told what God said. People thought she was bats! Or why would Jesus be dead? What god told her is for all our children. We all are Jesus. God makes us within our Mothers womb does he not? No? It does say that doesn’t it? So. God just needs folks to come together and make a baby from a piece of us both? And we are making it so difficult. And god chooses when the parents are ready? Yep. Gotta be right before you get one of your own. 

But there are folks getting out of line. One woman don’t want her gift and one woman wants hers? And what about God? What about what god thinks? What about Gods Eco system here? And don’t talk to me about Moses! Hello. His mama had to save him from a guy who had psychosis! Killin baby boys? Cuz of what god said about a boy who was coming. Naughty man. Adoption kept him from harm and his Mama stayed close. And he went to visit  them? He knew them. He was not kept from his family. Read it. 

Adoption today is folks just messin. Messing with the divine order here. Hello! Yeah you know it alls? There is a divine order here! Pesticides and GMO’, abortions, sperm banks, mortgages, schools, money,adoption, abductions, murder, all that. Out of order. We got to think higher folks. We have got to stop and look at ourselves and get real! What is all this? Why can we not know that it’s covered and love one another? And wait on our turns? 

I’ll tell you why, psychosis. We don’t know the truth anymore. We done made up so many stories. But if we will speak those stories out and let folks tell us different so we can see.  And let those cats out of the bag? We can get free and know the complete truth. If we can not take a word of rebuke, we are out of order. For god speaks of rebuke in the Bible! God loves those he chastens. Corrects. Think about it like GPS. Ok? If your off course, adjust. But if you don’t consult the GPS, your lost man. You are going around in circles. 

 Stop feelin so bad cuz your off course and trying to hide it? Turn around and start again! Get the truth, cry if your off and get up and change. God is with you. He’s, she’s just kind of getting impatient with us. We are wandering guys! And all we eat is cattle food. Flour. Cows need more than one stomach to digest that? And we eat loads if it. Now a little is not bad? But there are other things you need to eat too, to help? The brain needs good to help us do better, think better. Ok? Man shall not live on bread along, but every word that proceeds out of the mouth if God. What is god saying now? Lots. Read what we are learning, god is speaking. 

Well. Gods got a new word. A fresh word. And we are all psychotic if we don’t look at things around us and realize we are the answers. Our truth is the answer. My truth brings my truth here for folks who are psychotic and not psychotic and helps each recognize that adoption hurt them. And that pain has affected them and that they want to heal. Well honey. I will never forget. I will have days I hurt about it. The body remembers. But my truth set me free. And I want you to be free too. 

If grief has held your hand and you want to let go of it. Speak your truth about grief. Tell others who do not know so they can learn and wake up. Tell the one who gave it to you.  Weap about it. Let your inner child have her/his say. Let them speak what no one wanted to hear because everyone was so happy that you lost your family. Let them speak freely. God cares. And dump that trash out. Cuz it is trash as soon as you face it, and have learn to be strong from it and to stand up for yourself and not wait for permission. Consider this permission. Give that permission to your child within. 

And let the world wake up from this psychosis. Now. 

My Mamas waking up. She’s gonna make it. I just know it. Don’t give up on your family. Even if they look crazy to you. They are if they don’t accept you, but love them enough to tell them the truth. So they can adjust. And try again. And get set free. 

Thank you for diving deep with me today. 

God bless. 

The views here are the opinions of the writer and are no attack on anyone, but only obvervations from experience. 

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