I thought I was from God? But the woman I was made from said different. An adoptees sarcasm.

Sarcasm can help when folks call you names, especially the one you were made from.

And so I prayed about looking for my Mom. My bio mom. And I was guided to find her. But evidently I was a bit deranged in thinking that it was God talking to me? Because the other day the mother manufacturer said that I actually work for the devil. Well. That’s a game changer. You know? I was baptized in the Presbyterian church? But I guess satans got more power than that holy water they sprinkled on my head?

But I guess Satan took me right back to the one I was made from? And she told me I was a devil? So I guess the manufacturers know what I was made from? I never got a owners manual explaining how to work me? Or who to call when  something was not working, that may explain why I struggled so much growing up?  I was going to the wrong person for help? God doesn’t help devil children like me? Apparently I need to be calling on Satan for help?

This is very eye opening! And explains a lot! That’s probably why I like to work in bars? And to smoke marijuana and smoke cigarette? Well. What a load off my mind. I guess that’s why I struggle in churches to understand folks there and am more comfortable with the homeless and down hearted. You know? The devil people that do drugs and do things folks with jobs and money to wave around in your face don’t like?

I wonder if my daughter realizes this? She did all that? She’s got tattoos and smoked cigarettes too?  Maybe my manufacturer will enlighten her of this fact? It might give her some peace to know what she’s made from? And who her mother really works for? She is trying to be a Christian and seems to not realize she need to be working for Satan? Can a devil make a Christian? I didn’t ask my manufacturer that? Well maybe Satan will show me? Since satans been showing me a lot these days.

I am so grateful to know this. And to have myself be set straight. I’ve been trying to work for God. I guess I got my job description wrong? Sure is good she told me finally so I can stop wasting my time praying and talking to god. I mean surely she knows what she’s talking about.  She claims to be a Christian. Oh! I guess she telling me in code that she works for Satan too? Oh. I hope this does not blow her cover? She goes to church and reads the Bible a lot. But I guess she learning so she can lead folks astray? Like satans workers do?

She must be right? I seem to like abusive relationships. And I seem to like to hang around with folks that have painful lives. I hang out with folks that need help and are on drugs. That explains it all! What a moment of illumination! Oh. I don’t like that. We don’t like the light. Guess that’s why I stay up late all the time? Working my devil schemes and spells?

I guess that’s why Satan sends me heroine addicts to help? And perscription drug addicts to feed? I guess that’s why I am told to give to the homeless? Satan cares about his people I guess? And sends me, the devils child to help out? Good to know. Sure glad to finally have my blinders off?

I guess that explains why Christian’s have trouble understanding me? Cuz I talk like a devil. I guess that’s why my sisters don’t like me and my ideas don’t match? But if I am a devil. Would that make my manufacturer a devil too? Or am I Rosemarie’s baby?  Well. I better get off her and pray to Satan and ask her.
Thanks for diving deep with me today.

And Satan bless you!

Lol

What I’ve kind of figured out with all this trash talk? 

Is that my Mama and Daddy were a bit of a hot mess back then? And I soaked all that crazy right up. I mean what else would I sip on? My mama was in the middle of leaving what appeared to be a good man. And my Daddy just kind of hopped on that crazy train with her? 

And what I see is that in my subscious I stored all the things said and all of my ancestors crazy that was attracting the same kind of stuff in my life. Never underestimate the value of speaking your truth. It may sound messes up. But unless you let it out? It’s gonna sour your life. 

And my Mamas call just confirmed to me that I got some negative programming from her. She kind of told me what she thought about it which showed me that she kind of thought that about me at some point. And that she and I were stuck right there together unless we spit it out.i am grateful for going where I was so scared to go for fear that rejection would cost me again. But rejection never left until I spoke my truth about it and showed my wound by it. And that’s huge. Huge! 

Gods grace covers it all if we confess it. But if I did not speak it, which is a confession, it’s not under the blood. I commit all of my words here that have been written to christs blood shed to wash me clean. 

Thanks for coming by and diving deep with me today. 

God bless. Xo

https://vanishingtwins.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/vanishing-twins-soulmates-and-chimeras/

I am pretty sure this is me. And I will get a test to prove or disprove my gut feeling. I will post pictures of my transformation to show you how much I have changed in looks. It’s as if my brother is showing me that he lives inside of my body. That we fused. It’s so interesting. Because I always felt something was lost. And it like I have. Wen searching for it. To be continued. I’ll get you informed as to what I find.
Thank you for diving deep with me today.
God bless.

I do not claim to make sense. 

For my life has not really made sense at all. As I travel this life given to me by god through a woman who seems to. Are not for what was made from her flesh, I am stopped cold in my tracks. 

As my children that we made by god from my flesh, have turned away from my struggle. And seem as cold as she. I did not do them as my own Mother did me and yet, they seem as she? It is a twisted and ever spirally reality that I am unable to turn away from. 

I will go on. And tomorrow will be a new day, fresh with no mistakes in it. But today is bittersweet to me the child relinquished as I have waited so long for my Mother to come and yet she choices not to still. 

What makes a woman act like that? What makes children act like that towards a Mother who has given all? Have I not loved the Mother my Mother gave me to enough? Have I not given to her all that I could? And yet in side of me is love that can o my go to one woman and it does not diminish the love I have for my Mother given to me one bit. 

For her love, the woman my Mother gave me to has expanded my ability to love even more. So much so that I wish to share it with the woman God sent me to first. For as she spewed her venom at me over the phone, I only loved her more. As Mama Jean did me. 

I know not where this love should go? I love myself. There is no less love in me for myself. And yet why does my heart wish to share this love with a woman who appears to me half mad? And why did God lead me to her so precisely? I begged God to take this love for her away. Yes I did. I felt guilty for loving her so deeply. I hated myself for it for so long. 

But I have resigned to it. For this cup will. It pass and my love is still strong for her and for Mama Jean as well. Is there not enough love in me to love away this madness? I have loved people who have been cruel to me. I have loved those who do. It feel they deserve love. I have given love to those no one seems to love and yet my Mother has not come? 

My Mother seems quite satisfied with herself and her decision. She seems at peace with her own status quo and my sisters seem to agree. It’s a twisted game they play with a heart so filled with love for them. And they seem blind to that love. I wonder. What Bible they read and whom they serve to treat their flesh and blood like this? 

For I have continued to knock at their hearts door as the Bible’s says. And yes I have pounded and yelled from the worlds street, right here. And yet they seem to be unphased by my call. They seem very happy that I am excluded from their club. And yet my very fibers link me to them? How can this be? That people can be like this? 

And I know the answer for it has gapped before a long time ago. And it seems that people have not learned from the lesson we read about in the New Testament? About a child born without a father who was a man made by god. 

Thank you for diving deep with me tonite. 

God bless you. 

Demon’s are thoughts 

And every thought that exalts itself up against the will of god is forever removed from my Mother today. Every thought that has chased my precious Mama for years is called out today and bound by the higher law if god in Christ Jesus and his blood. Amen. 

Pray for my Mama. Let’s pray her back in and bind the demon thoughts that exalt themselves against the truth. I am a gift. 

Mamas call. 

My Mamas call today was completely full of venom as she quotes her scriptures like Some maniac swinging a sword around swatting the flies that are on her shit pile.  As she spewed her venom and called me a demon and told me she would not claim me as her child. As I sat there in my chair, in my beautiful yard with the sun shining down on me, listening at first to her kind word of wisdom, as she admontised me in the name of God, and just marveled that she could not really see her reflection at all? I was prepared for her wrath though with Gods Sheild around my bruised heArt that she’s been kicking for years,  so much so it now is wrapped around it she kicks at my heart which came from her obviously cold heart, like a can on the road of her life. Just kicking and kicking it as it gets in her way to that home in glory I imagine she thinks she’s heading too. She’s obviously not a recycler for sure. 

I mean, She does not think to pick up the can that holds the creation god made Inside her and see that their is a remption value available on it. And that if she takes it to the Lord of Lords, that Lord she professes to serve that she can redeem it for something better. No. she just kicks the can over and over and over. Stuck in a bad habit I guess from days gone by. 

Or maybe it’s that she treats me more like trash can? And she throws the empty cans from the lie juice she is drinking into me, as if I am some recepital for her trash talk and her trash thought about her own actions that created me ? Yeah. That kind of seems more like that. And she thinks she can call and fling her trashing thoughts and scripture that suit her OWN AGENDA at me. The receptical, child her God made from her SIN, as she said it. She admited she thinks I am made from sin and not God. Very telling indeed of her mental state. Yes it’s very eye opening to see. 

But my time of taking her trash and holding is over. For God is going to deal with her behavior. She thinks her wrecking her vehicle was a accident. No. it was a warning. And she did even get it. God told me something was going to happen to her when I left. So, as a good daughter would when given a word, I prayed for my Mamas safety. Yep. I cover her in prayers of protection.  But look at the symbolism. Her vehicle wrecked. Just like herself. Wrecked. From driving to fast and not paying attention to the signs. Oh my. Has she learned her lesson? Well. Evidently not. 

When she told me she had totaled her vehicle. I got chills. And I knew that God had told me so I would cover her in protective prayer, because she was obviously out from under his protection. Then signs clearly visible because of how she treats the gift he sent to her long ago and has sent back to her now. She has been way off course and driving like a maniac for years, she can’t see, like I said, the forest for the trees. 

As she spewed her venom that now falls off me like rain on a rain coat because I’m not buying what she throws at me anymore. The jig is up. But my heart hurts for her and for my sisters who have to deal with her crazy ass bullshit, day in and day out. My heart weeps for God who’s trying to show her the way to the very healing she needs most. 

She quoted me Ephesians 5:20-23

I have Epsesians 5:18-23 below for your reference. 

18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

She better heed that warning she spoke over herself. Cuz she’s infected. I highlighted the demons that chase her around in that mind of hers. 
Factions- a state of conflict within an organization; dissension.

And as you can see. She displaies by her actions and what she said to me and how she said it to me, quite a few of them by her vocal telephone tirade. She is dis-eased by me? Her child? No she has the dis-ease in her and is trying to say it is my fault. How can I cause such disruption with my words? To make her, obviously I am most powerful to be able to rattle her cage so. Cage. I imagine that is a good accessment. She’s caged by demons  of thoughts like she’s trying to throw at me. And she hung up on me? A true Christian virtue I am sure? Not. I did. It see that one in the fruit of the spirit part if Ephesians? Hmm. Maybe she’s got a Better translation than me. Obviously! Lord. 

She’s loaded full of the things she spewed at me like a mad woman out of her ever loving mind! Yep. Straight up. And if she thinks the God of heaven will let her go on and on and treat his child, you know, the one god made from her?, like that she’s got another thing coming. 

Ps 27:10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.

Read that one and weep for yourself.  Mcuz Gid had to receive what you threw away woman! 

Yep. God received what she threw away. God is my Father and my Mother. Clearly her mind has gone mad! And mad is as mad does folks. All she can see and read in my posts and letters is her own ugly reflection. Cuz that’s not my stuff. And it is affecting my children. Her poison has seeped into my children’s veins and poisons the feild god planted in me and birthed out of my flesh. 

Yeah. That is what psychosis looks like. You know, a person out of touch with reality, who makes up their own with there , what’s did it say? With there own selfish ambitions? Was it god who told her to throw me away? Or was it her that wanted better and thought she knew best? I dare say the later appears to be true. 

Cuz I have better things to do than deal with her crazy ass. But I’ll give it back to God. I’ll give all she said to me to God. Ive own my my shit right here in front of you. She thinks I am calling her a whore? No Mama. That’s what the world says about woman like you. And I think it’s wrong. I surely don’t believe that. But you seem too. Don’t you? So I’m spot on. And connected to you and right up inside that beautiful mad head of yours pushing the buttons my sister don’t dare touch!! I’m pointing out the boogers and your hiding them. But my sisters learned better didn’t they? Who taught them to dance for you? Around your crazy ass? You. But I learned how to push those buttons, so you would light up and could see yourself and how YOU ARE CHOSING TO ACT TOWARDS YOUR OWN DAUGHTER. And daughters. 

I imagine she treats them the same. Oh my. Sisters it should not be. It’s abusive. Mamas abusing us all being like this. You are all caught up in an abus ce relationship, but like abuse. You get used to it. And she’s your Mama. Not like you can throw her out like she did me now can you?  

AND NOW, thanks to technology. Everyone can see your crazy, Mama. Yep. You’ve been called out with, NO WHERE TO RUN! Go lick your wounds and try to get God to believe your lies. Gods not listening, cuz your not listening to God. You e kicked your babies to long. Time to grow up and own your shit Mama. Quit throwing it all over your gifts god gave you! 

Your not listening to that heart that’s all rumpled up and torn apart from your own deeds. You are the mad one. And as god as my witness you are the one who needs help. But help has come.  But Like the man on the roof crying to god for help. God sent your baby back to help and you turned her away again and again and again. Maybe try something new? Maybe receive what keeps showing up? You know the trash you keep trying to throw on everyone around you? 

Own your shit show you throw at me? Own it. Don’t ask the girls if it’s true? They are strangled by your lies and can’t speak.  It baby sisters working to set them free. You’ve choked the truth right out of their precious throats. Yep. You and your God you make up in your mind to hide the things you do for yourself. Don’t kid yourself. Don’t. I’m smarter than that. I see you coming a mile away. How? Well God. That’s how. Gods got your number and he gave it to me. 

I’ll make this right if not just for my sisters. They are precious too. But they’ve been abused so long and they are so starving for your love you locked away for yourself. As you lavish yourself with gifts and they must toil to survive.  As my sister Victoria drives a piece of junk car and is grateful, while you drive so fast you wreck yours? Without even a care! You sit on all the money your man made and don’t share a thing! And talk about giving your things to your grandchildren after you die? Oh my. You are a piece of work. God is not blessing you, you bless yourself. And watch your kids struggle. Way to go Christian lady! Real woman of god there! 

Well. Enough said. I think I’ve gotten this crap off my Sheild of faith, and sent what was your back. We must keep our Sheild shining and clean. God works with our faith. 

Ive own my shit.  I am a sinner SAVED BY GRACE! How dare you tell me I am not save by gods grace! Who are you? God? Well it appears you think you have the 411?

Hello Victoria. Baby sisters got your back. This woman’s a tough NUT. To crack. But I have my trust sword of the spirit and my Sheild of faith to protect me from the firey darts those demons inside her keep firing at whom ever stands up to her lunatic ways. And a sword is a good thing to crack a bit. If you use it right. 

Make sure you read this to her. It will lite her up. But trust the truth dear sister. It’s gonna set us all free. 

Baby sisters got your back. And God has heard your prayers. Let God have his way with this. Those demons are done. With no place to hide. Don’t take her shit in big sister. Make her own it. Be strong. Gods working here. Trust that. 

Love you all. So much. 

Thanks for diving deeper still with me today as I expose adoption affect on Mothers and children. 

God bless us all.