Some believe life matters. They work to save life. They water their plants, and they feed their children. What makes us care about life? What makes a mother care about the life that grows within her? Where it came from? How it came? Or is it that she wanted it to come that makes her care for it?
What does my life matter? What affect have I had here? I lived and grew up and went to find my mom like God showed me was his will. Cuz I really could have lived on without her truth that made me just feel like shit. I could have lived as a weed with no idea where I came from. Because now that I know where I came from, it really does not make me feel cared for. Nope. It does not.
And I asked God if that was the road. I really did. And the door flung open. I was so excited. But back to god within me. I guess it’s about that. Evolution and education of the species. Us. The bodies god rises in. And right now this body is broken. At the site of my Birth Mothers response to me. And I guess I know how god feels now. I guess gods heart was broken the day she turned her back on the gift.
She did not act like Mary in the Bible and god did not make a way for her to keep me. Guess she or god in her did not like the creation that grew in her. It gets mixed up doesn’t it? Trying to figure out what’s up? Why do some mommy say want there children? And why do some not? I guess god just is mixed up? We say god is so powerful. But with free will and all these folks what really can god do?
Makes me want to leave this place. It makes me want to just beam out and go back to being a star in the night sky. Where I can be admired for my light. This place needs work. But many just pass the buck. Many just are stuck doing the same thing. I have helped folks who could give two shots about me. Like God who sends the sun and then we say it’s to much. God send the rain and then we say that’s to much. God send the wind and we complain even more.
What do we want here? And what are we willing to do to get t? My life mattered to a woman who’s womb was bearen. But not to the one god sent me too? Makes no sense to me.