Today , Some thoughts from an adoptee.

Well. This last year had many challenges. Setting my Mothers and my family and extended family straight about who I really am not was daunting and tedious. There are so many things I saw they were thinking about who I am. They looking from the outside, thought they knew who I was and why I act as I do. And I was so tired of that that I blew the lid off the pot of my families mental life, to show them who I really am beyond all my actions. I blew my Mothers hair almost clean off their heads as I blew like an emotional tornado with a purpose, which was,”Set them straight.” Many folks think tornados are messy, useless, terrible, and mean things. But honey when you’ve settled into a story line that is not complete you need to know, and a tornado is just the thing that can get your attention, God is evolutionary, ever changing, ever growing and there is always deeper, and higher places God/this Universe Pushes, pulls us, blows us, fires us up to go. Look at nature if you want to know God honey. For God is nature. Hell, God is all.

These bodies are organisms made by the creator, stitched together with Gods own hand and God breaths life into it.  Ask yourself, where does life come from? This planet is were our life is now. We, like anything that can expire, have a date when things break back down and go back to God, and nature will break it down and use parts of it again.

This place is a play ground of experiences with the mind, body, spirit connection. And if you can’t see the magic in the madness we’ll, Wake up!  Cuz you just got your seat at the show the day you get here and it a ride for your life, and for the life that God creates here. The spirit within me tells me so. These body’s, organisms made from clay and water and all that is here, serve God whether you like it or not. Cuz god is in us all. No doubt. People act like you ask Jesus in? How did he get out? For if Jesus was? His bloods in our veins, like a broad funnel you can trace it back to the beginning. We are all fragments of one things. We are all connected.

This world is has two sides, there is black and white. There is light and darkness, there is knowing and the unknown. And God works to create a bridge to get us back to eden. We all remember eden. We felt it in the womb. Where it was safe and warm and all was supplied to us. But after eden, the womb, we experience something else. More and less of many things. Life here is a cacophony of experiences, many hard, and many full and filled with love. And we all are here to learn and grow, and God is riding within us. God rides within us all, inside these flesh machines trying to work it out, turn it around, and get us back, to eden. I feel that is why we are here. We learn to be able to create eden, and to connect to each to each other, for we are all from the same place.

If we would realize this. And serve our time working for the better of us all, people, animals, the earth, and her love she has given us, but these minds are split in two still struggle to understand the other side? I laugh when folks talk about being bi polar. Look at the name. Look at the brain? Look at the earth with two Polar ends? Look at the seasons they come and they go. We live in a bubble, a cell with a permeable membrane that is safely suspended in space and we worry about provision? We have people starving today. People that God lives in for god is all and all is god. And yet we just can not seem to shift the gear to work for the highest good of all. Why are folks starving in other countries? Because no one thought that they were our brother, and no one knows how to be their brothers keepers. What are we to keep? Are we to feed him and keep him safe? Or are we supposed to teach him to keep himself? I think the both. That is what our parents do for us? Most of them do so at least, but I am addressing the others who don’t.

There are some Parents, like mine, who give there child away to another, and I do feel this has caused a refractory affect here in society in the children removed from the place they were sent, by this universe. I feel we need to look at this affect, the affect it had on the children who are reliquished. Is it in the best interest of the child to be removed? Or just in the best interest of the woman involved at the time?  Those who have been given away are put in a negative feedback loop, and they are unable to return to there families of origin due to the fairytales or misinformation their Birth Families live in some kind of alter state of thinking that they no longer are family by some court order, but there is a higher order here. There is an order of this universe, as we look at the seasons and death and birth, the weather, there is an order? So as children born from this Earth, are we doing our best to continue to remove children from the woman they are sent to?  If we live on and within a circle, should not there be a full circle? Children relinquished do not experience that full circle and in fact resist it, due to the trauma of rejection, rejection this universe did not intend, but was intended on by a Woman who did not show up for her job, the one this universe gave her when she conceived.

Are Mothers, trusting the adoptions process, looking to rid themselves of the creation that was made in them, and who are white washing it with another name? Wishing to make it white as snow? Who is saying that babies are dirty? Who is saying that how they come into our lives is dirty? Who is telling our woman that to conceive is a dirty act and that it should be given away? Who? Who tells woman that its ok? When clearly I see that God knows what God is doing, by sending them to them in the first place? There is a higher law here, and are we seeking the Highest good of all? What is that? What is Gods big picture? And do we have what it takes to see it from our vantage point?

Well, I will tell you that it takes a lot of Learning, living, loving, compassionate, awareness, and being awake to see what others need to be Able to even see the highest good? It takes walking through a lot of pain to see what is really going on around here. Most folks can’t even get out of bed? Or away from the Tv these days? Let alone wrap there heads around another needs, especially the needs of children? We have to look at it all, not just the comfortable things to see the higher good of all? And for me that is what the spirit in me works to see through my eyes. My body is its container that moves to see what is going on around here, and my pain is the register to which God feels the pain so it can be changed. God in me works to clear the baggage to see into me and to look into those I meet and to see what this world needs? Each of us does that if we wake up to that fact. The fact that the spirits that come and go, and the bodies we live in are made from earth and God through each of us is learning and evolving through us all.

Like the body called Maya Angelou, who was God, named Maya Angelou said, When you know better, you do better. We are so attached to these bodies, like trinkets. We must understand there is a time for everything. And we come here to learn through our experiences. I came, God in me, to learn about adoption and the affects it has on the children who grow into adults. This body is still evolving and learning. The pain I have felt being relinquished has forever altered me. It broke me open, it broke this body of mine and God alone has healed me. For I asked God to do so. I went to counselors and to people and no one could get me where I am today. Only God leading me could do it. And the way was unorthodox indeed and many judged me for the way I went. But God within me is strong and showed me to follow. And I did follow the leading of the spirit within me and the guides, angels and my ancestors who live within my very DNA.

God told me to tell my Mother how I felt so she could adjust her story with my chapter that had been removed back in, so she could have the whole story.  And what I told her was a whole lot of pain, so deep, it took a while to get it out, I am not sure it is all out yet, but the dust is clearing. What God in me showed me was your complaining, your pain needs to go to God in the person you complain about or have pain with? They need the report to alter their course, God within them. How in the hell do we expect to get better if we hold our truth, the truth God within you knows about what you see in another? How? Telepathy? Who can hear a thing around here with all that is going on? WE have formed all kinds of distractions, that keep us from truly making this place a better place. There is pain all around and we have folks in their own worlds of choice who avoid looking at the truths that are glaring at us all, and asking for us to step up and change.

We in our mammalian minds are trying to figure out something that we only need ask this universes to show us. For I asked for the answers. And God in me showed me the way. And my way may not be just like your way honey. But Jesus shows the way. Truth is what he/she showed me. And Jesus told his truth and we killed him for it. When will we stop killing folks? For children are ideas that grow in the bellies of woman God created in the belly of another? An idea can not be killed?  Ignorance is just a lack of knowing. Education and truth spoken can change it all, if we will listen until we truly understand. Truth without physical harm is the answer to change.  There really is no need to fight with fist or gun. We are all in the same side. We are all human and we all are made in the image and likeness of god in god’s many forms. God is in the trees, the ground, the air, the flowers, and in you and me. God is in the animals and if we could stop for a minute, we could see it.

What I question is how were are doing it here? What I want to do is jog your mind to think about the big picture. There is a better way, but how sick must we get? How many must suffer for us to stop and start again? Better? My kids had to be raised by a broken woman. And to be raised by a twisted soul, because I had to wrap my mind around a lot of things others don’t being adopted was complicated and things did not line up. The pieces of my life have been thrown to the wind and I and God within had to get them back, to piece it together, but there is free will, oh, free will, that another can choose to not show up, choose to not eat what is on their plate, and on another side of the planet is another who has no plate? And I want to just get it started, a conversation about change. But that means we have to clean up the mess? And no one likes that.

 

Thanks for diving deep with me today.

 

God bless you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s