I did not get angry over night

It took me years. Twenty five to get the courage to speak my truth. And stuffing it only made it worse. Fear of rejection kept me silent. Fear of everything my bio Mother did to me kept my tongue hinged. But, for my sanity, I had to let that cat out of her bag. 

Anger is an emotions. And emotions are ruled bY the moon cycles. Soooo. Anger is water. Pinned up water that had no where to go, but out. 

Many of the things I have shared here are of an angry nature. Yes. But the question should be why? Why Belinda. And what? What made you so angry? 

Well, I was angry, which means I was hurt, by many things well meaning folks thinking they know what being adopted means. To me. 

NO ONE ASKED ME. LIKE NO ONE? Ever asked me what it felt like and was I ok? I mean sure. I have a home, parents, food, and all that. But are essentially all a child needs? Love. Yes I had love. Yes I did. But what is a child’s true need for love? Does any old love do? Just slap some love on that child and it’s good? Is that the thing? 

And what does abortion have to do with how I feel? Does saying to me, “would you have rather? Like rather is a choice? Be aborted?” Is that all folks think the choices are? Come on. Surely we can dig deeper than that with all the research put up on the internet? That’s all the choices folks see? This or that? Two choices?

Many children get kept? Now one would say why? Someone like me would say, “why?”. And I think that is a very good question indeed. Why were those children kept? And some not kept? I would also ask this on the heels of that question, ” is God some sedistic bastard? Who makes kids in one woman and throws them to another? What was the reason?” For surely there must be some reason? 

Does God, you know, the one who sees all and knows all, who made all, just change the design in the middle of it all? By design I mean, there is all this research that supports the facts that children create cells in the brains of their Mothers, and research showing thendetermental effects of a child being separated from it’s mother. So why are we still separating or supporting seperation? I mean it’s out folks. It’s not good for them, us, me. 

And yet folks argue and say things like, “would you rather be an abortion?” Wtf. No? I would rather be the daughter of the woman I was sent to thank you very much!! And I would like her to be happy I was sent to her? Hello? I would also like the world, the community, the church and her family to support her in raising me. I would like her to be honored for having me and. It shunned by an institution that tells a story every Christmas, about a child born to a woman out of wedlock. 

I feel we need to get on our knees and ask god, when a child is sent to a woman, what can we do lord to take care of this child you have sent to this woman. Instead of calling her a slut, a whore, and a dumb ass for doing what we all are supposed to do, procreate! 

Like who in the hell started this thing about a Baird can only be kept if produced under the right jurisdiction? And that it must have the proper paperwork,(a marriage license)to be done. Cats breed. And no one says shit. Except fix it so it can’t. Sterilize them. Which is another thing we do that’s a bit messed up, and I feel rethink. But I’ll talk about that another day. Maybe. 

Children represent the future. And if we are rearranging the children this universe sends to woman, by micromanaging God, well, I think we should maybe review those actions. 

And my testimony supports this review. My review states a story that supports supporting woman to care and be supported in all pregnancies. A gift was given to her, and we all know that to refuse a gift is rude. Are we saying rudeness to Gods gift is ok? Well, it would appear we are. 

There are many things we can do. There are more options folks. 

 And keeping a child should be top of the list. Research supports it and we should too. That is my stand. My life is the research. The Mother the child was sent to should not be withheld from the child’s life, it does extreme damage and alter the child’s perception of the world and cause trust issue that are very difficult to change. Especially is my case. After so much time. Ones perspetions of getting that need. Yes, NEED, caused me to kind of give up on ever getting my needs met, since research shows I needed it most. 

Can we please look at that? Can we wrap our brains around a child’s need? And stop waving those damn free will tickets around like we win the lotto by using them to do such a thing to our own children? Our own future? 

Thank you for diving deep with me. 

I know. It’s. It easy to look at. And we are set in our ways now are t we? But we must, readdress this most pressing thing. For the sake of those children to come. 

Xo

Don’t be fooled by that smile. There is another child inside who cries. Wondering were her. I’m went and why she didn’t come to her birthday party? It’s not to late. She still could. 

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