I guess everyone else

A cool picture my Mama Jean had painted of me as a child. She is a tough cookie. From what I can see is that it hard to get the body to accept the separation. That’s what cause issues with the parents that showed up. Previous programming jamming the line. 9monthes worth. 

Is guess that everyone else just felt ok about being adopted. I guess no one else got confused or turned around but me. 

Don’t see many folks here. So I guess I am alone in how I felt. I wonder how they did it. Just forgetting their Mothers. I guess I liked the woman who god made me from and thought having a honest relationship with her was worth the effort of telling the truth. And that it had the power to set us free. 

What is a relationship without truth? You know, The whole truth so help you god. Guess I just didn’t move on like everyone else. 

I felt numb for years. I felt like my feelings for her were wrong. And it wasn’t until I accepted that a part of me was still bonded to her, that I always would be by DNA, and that I was a bit turned around. And I kind of wanted to get passed her story about me so we could appreciate one another. 

If we don’t know all of a person, even if it’s bad or negative, then what’s the use? Like it’s ok. I accept that I struggled. What’s wrong with that? And I guess I was the only one cuz my peps are silent. Here. Where I tell it all. 

Most folks don’t like the dirty laundry taken out. Least of all in public. But what’s the big deal? We all got dirty laundry. What good is the dirty Landry if left in a basket or on the floor? Pick it up. Sort it. And wash it. Which means you have to look at it. 

If you think about dirty laundry it’s kind of rough washing it. If you think about the washing process. If we apply the knowledge of what it takes to clean your clothes to our emotional life, you kind of see that airing your truth is a washing process of sorts. 

Have you ever notice that when your dirty laundry gets out, it allows others to accept their own. Like when folks go to the laundrymate? Guess being poor keeps you humble. Folks at laundrymates help each other with the laundry. I like that idea. It’s humane. Why do we hide our dirty laundry anyway? Especially if we all know, that everyone’s got some? What’s the deal? 

Laundry gets piled in a pile, a basket, a bin or some kind of container. Or just on the floor for some. If you think about it. People dress up the dirty laundry situation. Many get beautiful baskets to place it in with loving care. Their laundry baskets decorate a room. Their secret soiled belongings hidden in plain view. 

When you want to wear that soiled article though. When you want to wear it again. When you want to move on and make a new memory with it. Or warm yourself with it. You must work for it. You must sort it, spray stain remover on it, scrub it, and sometimes bleach it with hot soapy water. 

When you put it into the machine, Your dirty laundry..you put chemicals in with it. It’s gets agitated and tossed about, rather vigorously. After an amount of time you choose, of scrubbing and agitation, it will be spun until the water, which we could see as emotions, will be removed from it. Then the chemicals with fresh water (emotions), will be agitated out of them as well and spun one more time. Unless you are OCD. But we won’t go there today. 

Then after sufficient washing, chemicals, agitating vigorously, and rinsing and spunning it dry, if your machine (body, machine is left to purge old things, by crying, speaking truth, and letting go of emotions), runs well ( means allowed to do so, allowed to express itself) , you take those priceless laundry items, now clean from what soiled them in the first place if your good at chemistry and understand chemicals, water, agitation, spinning,and how they work, will be thrown into a dryer. 

In the dryer your now clean laundry are now ready for a new day. And those items for restoration will be blasted with hot heat if your dryer runs well. And they will be jossiled about until all water, or emotions are removed, so that you can wear those items with pride, having removed the ugly stains that made them unwearable. Or the odor that made them unbearable. And now. They are fresh, fluffy, soft, and smell divine, adding new outlook to a new day. 

Clean dirty laundry can be worn and worn, so long as you follow the steps to restoring them. I feel emotional dirty laundry is the same. Dirty laundry of the mind and emotions when left in the basket to long, grow mold, become stale and stains set in. So trying to restore it takes more work. 

Emotional laundrying is not so bad. We just need to remember. Everyone’s got dirty laundry. But we appreciate those who know how to clean it. Don’t we? We all hate the process. That’s why our closets are full of clothes. We hide the stains. Some wishing to forget about them altogether, there are those who do not know how to restore them. We buy lots of clothes so we don’t have to do it so often. But it must be done. It just must. 

I am glad I aired, sorted, chemicaled, and agitated my dirty laundry on this very important subject, adoption. Cuz now, I can wear myself again. I am now Clean of the residual affects of relinquishment. My inner child with her stained dress, now clean. Like a stain on me. My inner child had feelings and thoughts about adoption. She struggled to make sense from what everyone said about it. The world can be cruel. When they don’t think you know how they feel. When you are at the brunt of their ignorance. I spent years playing the quiet game like Mama Jean told me. And I learned and heard a lot. From ignorant folks who just didn’t get it and treated me like shit. And I am proud of myself for letting her out of the basket, agitating her, and washing her clean by just letting her speak. She’s pretty special. Yeah. It’s me. And I am special. All of me. Even the hard parts. I handled it like a pro, cuz there is only one me. So no need to compare. Gods on my side. And yours. That’s my message. God cares about those hard time.  It to get some good times, you got to clean the emotional laundry. Xo

Thanks for diving deep with me today. Whoever you are. You matter to me. Truth.  Me as a child below. I would love to see you as a child trying to figure this thing we call adoption out. Happy new year. Btw. 

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