A level playing field

is when all parties come to the gMe with the realization that we all are valued players in this game called life. And that we each stand on the same ground. Each playing our parts as best we can. With wht knowledge we have. True. 

When we realize that experience is worth a pound of salt. And that salt preserves. And that our experiences preserve this world we live in. And it is our expression that brings balance when not denied the light of day. Our experiences color our world. And as long as we hold onto those with our own limited VEIW we stay stuck. 

I was stuck. Until I told my truth and set myself free to be the me I longed to be. And it took a lot of pain to mKe me strong enough to speak it. It took wanting something so bad to drive me there, and God. 

But when I finally owned the fact that I wanted both Mothers in my life as far as I could get them to let me in, I got clear and honest with myself about what I could handle. 

And there’s a lot of feelings in here about family, and such. And it’s hard to get that shit to come out right, so people get what you mean? And if you don’t listen to my story you just won’t get me at all and why I think like I do? 

My adoption made a deep mark on me. And I have been trying like all you nice folks out there keep telling me to just forget it and it just don’t work when it’s your mom. And you just would not get what that even means if you have not even walk a day in my shoes. And I really would want you to do that anyway. I am still working on that to this day. As you can clearly see. 

But when we realize that connection is where it’s at, we all win. And this is so hard trying to come back and build a bridge that should not have been burned down? Is this God? Or flesh that does such things? 

We must answer that question. To learn and grow wiser. 

I do see grace in Mama Jean. She’s been a rock for me as I work to right or adjust my veiw. It’s hard growing up like I did. So confused and growing more each day. This person says this and this one says that. Do this. Do that? And yet my hearts said a whole other thing. And it would not shut up. And why should it? Why should I have had to be like that? How did I get there? 

I do see parts of how it happened. And the signs. But it has taken me years to figure it out to satisfy this mind of mine. This child within that wondered,”what happened?”

Anyway. Just some thoughts about it. 
Thank you for diving deep with me TONITE. Blessings and truth to you all. 

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