It was hard work and it was scary, yes. But I got my voice back, from all who took it from me when they let my Mom give me away. What is the magic words to break the spell on me? Truth. My truth. And I gave my inner child who experienced it permission to speak her truth, from her experience. And I did not wait for these dumb asses to give me permission. I am a sanctioned being here. I have a voice box, given to me by this planet, to speak. I have used my two ears to listen to what all you had to say, the collective opinion of this experience, yes I have heard it all.
And now I speak of my experiences, my feelings about it all. I am here to make your worst nightmare to come onto this dark place. I am one light that has been turned on by Mother Earth and God the Father themselves. I listen also to the spirits of my ancestors and my God to guide me. But your not liking it so far, and you better get ready for the rest of us. For I am taking my place as one who breaks the veil between our world and yours, so we can all learn and grow in our understanding of rules in this world that dare not be broken.
The Mother Child bond is one of those bonds, rules that dare not be broken, for the determent to us all is evident. One is in the dark now, without identity, or continuity, and is blind without their true leader, they must be lead by a stranger for no good reason. I am a child from another Mother and all I could think about was how do I get back? And why? Now is that productive to place a new being who shares programing with another with someone who is not even trained or ready for her? What does it benefit the child to be ripped from one linguistic pool to another? Science has shown that we form our language in utero? So that means we all have language issues or did have them at one point. Which means we are vacillating from one part of the language area to another trying to understand, which takes a lot of work.
What I experienced is that I was running two programs in tandem. And comparing it all day long to make sure it was right? I struggled with my Adopted Mom, she was so different than my Bio Mom. They are both strong willed Woman with strong opinions. Mama Jean had a time with me, I clung to Mama Linda’s teachings within my DNA. Not really trusting Mama Jean completely, and I longed for Mama Linda at times. And that is what folks don’t understand about this, we love our Moms. Secretly. For many families of Adoption do not discuss our families of origin. They expect that we will speak up, not realizing our voices are in the grip of a whole lot of fears, fears a child deals with alone. And we try, but we see the pain it causes our caregivers, and for me sends fears shocks through my very being, fear of her doing the same that my very own Mama did? That fear was very strong. And loyalty is all twisted too. I feel that by loving and wanting my own Mother, I am ungrateful, or disloyal? What a complex conflict to be put into at such a young age? Oh, Lordy. I have twisted many ways living this life, so much that I was like a walking tornado all the time.
And we (again meaning anyone who identifies with these statements) live as lies walking this earth, living lives disconnected from our families and for me, feeling disconnected from life it self. I guess I just felt like a patchwork quilt. My life was about gathering the precious pieces of my quilt to piece back together as lovingly as I can while fighting off everyones opinions of how I should live my life. Lordy. What a ride for sure.
But I made it to the top of my Mountain of truth. And here I speak it for all to hear. For edification, and for healing. If this pricks your heart, then just bleed, for it is your time to heal. God is walking the earth and working in me to bring it to us. And for those who have ears to hear, God cares about what you went through and give us all permission to speak freely. For all is God and God is all. And to us, the Adoptees, the Silenced Slaves, our time is now.
I see more and more of my people the Adoptees speaking up about their truth. It is my desire to shine my light and show those who are feeling feelings from a long time ago or some you can not hold back any longer, Spit that shit out! Give it to the one who gave it to you. The world. And may we all wake up and do better.
Without truth we fail. To withhold the truth is a lie. Now, barf it up. Blog it. Sing it, sew it, write it, play it, video it. Dance it. Get that truth out, WE all change, when we all know better. xo