I just had a really Had a bad reaction

Bad reaction to my adoption. it just took me 50 some years to figure out what the hell was hurting me so

Much. 

Excuse the hell

Out of me!

It

Hurt like hell. I have worked real hard to bloom where I have been planted. But can I just grieve the loss of my mom? Now that I know that’s what I really missed most? 

Can I just get it out? Can I let these feelings see the light of day without some yahoo telling me how ungrateful I am for speaking up?

Can my feelings matter? For once? Cuz I have thought about everyone’s else without regard for my own inside. And that’s kind of fucked up that you’d just leave me that way and not even make the connection. That my moms just ino ortent as your mom. Even if we only knew each other for 9 month? Like come on. I am a being. Not a blob. 

I knew she was leaving me. I felt her sadness and her anger at being in such a situation. We babies feel it all. I think we are supposed. I think we are like arrows. And our mothers have had to shoot far. To get us to safety so we can live long enough to change it. 

Why did society so bent on breaking moms and families up? Why is giving a child away seen as a more loving act? Did not God know who he gave the child to in the first place? 

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