Just an envolope of remembrances. An adoptees patchwork life

  

This is what searching for your family looks like. I was going to place an add in the paper to locate my sister. But God had a better way. I just picked up the phone and follows the bread crumb trail he lead me down. 3 hours later, my sister was on the phone. Not this sister, but my second oldest sister. Mary Elizabeth. But they call her Liz. What a nieve little note. I was so innocent and trusting. I had not been shown the state of my family yet. We care about where we come from. Identity is connected to your Mother and your family of origin, when t is removed the CHILDS foundation is cracked. Adoption goes against the naturalOrder. And it causes fracturing of the CHILDS psyche. Meaning, we become many personas as a way of protecting ourselves. We are like camellias, so we can try to fit in, like playing another part Over another part. Two parts. You play yourself, playing your adopted self. Because the truth is, we are not related to these people who raise us. And that is a game changer. Because we need to look at the ideas we are acting out, and are they productive to the whole. So either mothers are really important or they are not. Make up your minds!! Because it’s confusing out here in the real world, where kids like Ya get the shaft for the portal we enter into? Like this world is not safe like this. Most people talk smack about mothers who get pregnant out of wedlock still!!! And those babies have to live their lives without their own mother! They are raised by someone who cannot be replaced. Ever. I mean people say that you should love your mother, you’ll have no other!! But that is not true for us adopted!! So if it is not true for us it is not true. Or we need to change it so all kids get there own moms. And we need to figure out the reason some do not conceive, so they can. Adoptions fixes nothing. It prolongs a natural process making it so difficult to bond after years of being apart. People are misinformed and it’s not right.

  
Letters from my family after we met. We just kind of went stale. And we needed to but that old shit down. This is not how we halter man clan do it!! Not the Morelands either. And neither the Tidwells. I am a unique person. I am one of a kind. And my family is rare. A lot of effort was exerted for me to be here. And it was for this reason. But my family needs to do the work so we can progress. We all do. Things don’t stay the same. They just don’t. I held all this shit in for years! And we’ll it came out kind of crazy, like life felt back then.

These letters have warmed my heart. It is very cold outside telling the truth. When you e had enough of the fsirytake and your ready to just accept it like this and till with it. I will not primp  My life up to make you feel better. If what I am saying upset you, you change. Either accept that some people get two mothers, or make it so children don’t have to live like this. One or the other folks. You are confusing a lot of kids. Like me. Everyone waving their free will tickets around like guns. Because honey your free will affect my free will, so it ain’t free damn it! Wake the hell up. 

My gramma and I did really get to talk a lot after I came back, I was kind of numb when I came back. I have had to adjust a lot to deal with my family. They say some kind of well disturbing things to me. They don’t test me like family. They treat me like a freak. Well, hell I am kind of a freak out here telling the whole world how I feel about it and trying to gather the pieces of my life that my mother tore up with the governments help. It is kind of fucked yo to lead a woman to do such a thing. That is what I think.

  

  

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