Dear Mama/Mom

I want to write to you both, now that I am getting clear of the debris. I have cleared the rubble of the life I lived, and I now begin to rid myself of a wardrobe of ways I had to choose just to be able to survive this life I have out grown. Today I sit here and report you that this process has in fact worked. I want to say that going this direction has gotten me to the place of healing. And a new perspective is flooding into my psyche. My mind  was too full of what a little baby who grew up could figure out with her baby/child equipment, and information. But if one does not faint, one gets to the other side. And it was a touch a go time there for a minute, that lasted about two plus years of intense soul searching. A process in which lead to verbally vomiting up what i had swallowed as my ultimate truth.

Being Adopted is difficult, but I rose to  the occasion. And I took on my station with the power of my birth gave me, vengeance. I feel my loud cry at birth was the beginning of a battle cry. I want you to know I took my station seriously, and I worked to understand a world that thinks this is a good idea.

I worked to wrap my mind around this idea called adoption, and all it got me was a twisted way of seeing things, that most folks don’t understand. It got me into a lot of trouble being a child from another Mother, who in fact signed a contract and then pretends she is not my Mother.  And she did that so the Mother who signed up to raise the child can get all the glory the original Mother has decided not to do herself, because of societal perimeters that deem the way in which I was conceived as wrong, or mistake. This idea seems a bit archaic, and a bit well, not well planned out.

I want you to know that if you think my life was pathetic by my display of truth about the dark side of adoption, that you might want to realize how much grit it took for me to do that and with stand your reactions, and my families reactions, and the worlds reactions to this. And I think I got a good gauge from the test, You all really don’t think it a good idea either, but no one knows what else to do.  The truth was in everyones reaction. But thank God I understand that. Many don’t get that and they end their lives, because the pain of relinquishment is very hard to with stand. Our bodies long for a Mother that lives, we always will, end of story. We may hide that from you, but I stand and say, it is still there. To love your Mother is to love yourself. WE need to get this. So, we have all these Mothers on drugs, Hell yes they are on drugs! They have been trying to deal with a grief that everyone thinks is not real, the proof is in the pudding folks. Our body is equip with a honing beacon like response, I call it, to go home. And that is way we search, our bodies long to reconnect to what they never should have been intentionally separated from. When we are relinquished, and the child realizes by the lack of smell of the Mother, and the lack of her voice that something is indeed wrong. The child (me) is unable to explain the matter to the new Mother, who is uneducated in grief from loss. She has not been informed about this from a place of education and intellect, she is ignorant, and society did that ignorantly and we must learn to do better.  The child has formed an attachment to the Mother indeed, but it is inside the child, and the psyche will protect it until it is in a place it can defend itself and it’s stand. WE must begin to understand the child/mother bond and how it contributes to the well being of each child and how we are tampering with a complex eco system, because we don’t understand sexuality and our purpose here. We seem to fear a lot? But fear is only in our lives because we do not hang out with education. With all these websites, we should be further along. But we watch junk, and I always say, Garbage in, Garbage out. And sometime what we think is Good, is in fact Garbage, it just take time for kids to grow and tell you the real truth about it, not just what you want to hear.

When a woman gives away a child, she give away a part of her psyche, which is a piece of herself. Psyche is what we call, the Mind, Body, Spirit connection. And a child represents a piece of a woman’s mind. Now, she gives he child away, but the is not easy for her either. So, this understand will help us, and helped me to understand that I am a part of my Mothers internal puzzle that needs to return and report to her my experiences. Mothers are witnesses to a child’s life, it is part of the evolutionary process, and children give what we call feedback as to the experience they have had, so that the Mother can learn and evolve as well. A parent that does not allow their child to give feed back is stunting there own mental capabilities. And one should work to do that very thing.

Your children are an extension of yourself. And if you neglect your duties, I am not talking about all he duties society deems important, I speak of the mind body spirit connection. That connections is most important, and live is worth living if you accept that all things are for edification. And this scripture depict free wills effects on us all. WE have free will, that is lawful, but not always is what we perceive as  mine actually yours as we can see with the events of my life and how I feel bout the handling of my personal affects, such as my inheritance, as a being was not kept intact. And the info you all say about us is not good either. I am going to high the ways people degrade Adoptee. And I am going to force, with my testimony, this world to look at their behaviors in this very pressing matter called  Adoption.

1 Corinth 10:26

English Standard Version
“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

From what I can see, after my display, was a world full of softies. You all cringed and ran like bitches slapped in your teeth. And my family really didn’t handle it well at all. I mean people actually don’t know what repressed grief looks like? Well, I think it is high time we educate ourselves in such  matters? I mean everyone’s got a day they leave, or disappear, or what we call to die. So why the hell are we hiding our pain? We are stunting ourselves by stopping the process. For pain educates us. And what we have done as a society is to box our pain and fill file cabinets with the Data that we all need to evolve as higher beings. Which means, we need to do the work.

If I have grief,

and I go to a say psychologist and talk to them about what my Mother did to me,

That is in fact gossip, and tale bearing, right?

Because I am not telling my Mother how I feel,

Because she is the one who need to know, I was place inside of her for a reason,

And she and I have lessons to learn,

And my Moms and I have been learning about humanity

And we learn how to have compassion, and to move in the ways of being humane,

We each must consciously learn,

meaning we must show up,

and we must do the work before us,

As I see it, Adoption break the flow of this ECO system

And my life is a testament to that,

When my Mother and I are reattached like we should have always been,

Our lesson will be complete,

I have always been guided by benevelant beings

And Adoptive Mothers need to hear/read this,

For they are a part of a movement that is slavery, in the worst sense,

And in the infinite part of this world we can not see with these eyes we have here,

We each agreed to come her to do the work to patch us back together as a whole.

Sounds strange to me too.

But this is the vision I am being shown of the world to come,

The one we work on creating now.

We must look at the part of us that makes us do this to ourselves. Why are we making children and woman do this thing called  Adoption? For it is in fact madness. And it causes madness in the children who live these fake lives, that we as a species have decided is a better way to handle a moral dilemma, not a baby dilemma.

We need to learn the lessons of Jesus and why we have that story. The woman who feel prey to this needed to, so we could get the raw data about this idea. And my data does not support this as a viable and helpful solution. That is my purpose here, to give the raw feedback about this thing we call Adoption.

And now you get to read my reports. You just got a big scoop of my Inner child’s feelings. So think again if you judge me, for judging me show a lack of awareness on your part to see, that truth must come out, for us to be set free. It is like being in an abusive relationship. Many people in this world need to be set free from the thoughts that are driving them crazy. Acting like I had only one Mother, was driving me crazy. Why the hell would I live like that any longer? I gave myself the key to open the door to go and be who I am. I am Linda Marie Browns daughter, and I was adopted by Jean Fowler. I have two Mothers, and I now am walking in my authentic truth, with Both Mothers intact, and back inside my psyche is my Mother. And I work to manifest the new relationship with them as well, as I update them.

We need an update. That seems to be a good way to help the mind to see this as a good thing. Because we are so emotionally attached to our own thoughts, we each must come to the unified truth, that reality is subjective to the person experiences. And each person is different. And each person experiences something differently, that is why speaking your truth helps the whole of us to evolve. And keeping it in stunts us.

Moms, I love you both, and you are both strong. My Adopted Mom is further along in knowing me, but that does not mean my Mom is not capable. My cells still live inside her, and as I do this, I reprogram her, you watch me. This is working right here, and I will answer any questions you have as to the process. I want us all well, and I asked God to show me the way. And God and I did it on her to show everyone, that is the only way, to show it.

I have been allowed to feel the prayers of my people and their pain, collectively. And it is massive, so there is lots of work to be done. So Mothers out there, know this, God is restoring what society took from us all. And remember, you came here to do this. Hitler was a lesson in humanity, so is every disaster, it is hard for us to believe. And we get all upset, like God is doing it. It is a cause and effect world here, so what we cause, has an effect, we must as a species face these truths, and laws here, or we must change them if we co-creative powers?

But what we do with our powers effects us all. This is a fundamental truth we have not learned. But what I see is people waving there free will like ticket to ride, and we are all paying the price folks. WE all pay when a child is relinquished, whether we can see it right away or not. A reverberation is set in motions. But we must understand why? So we can turn this world around. Mother Nature is controlled by us. Weather is compare to emotions, and we don’t even see that correlating factors when we put it all together, Mind, body, spirit. And we see this world askew in this way of being. This world is an ECO system. WE are part of it. We need to learn the lay of the land, and act accordingly. We only really know what we have experienced, and we must realize that this world is ever changing, ever changing. And we are the ridged ones here, not the Earth.

It is a time of change in our world right now. And I am an Adoptee here at this time. And we have been treated like Silenced Slaves in the way we have been stripped of our personal affects and our name changed, our mind have withstood a many times mortal wound, which is recorded by the numbers of those who check out, tap out, it’s too much. And I feel our view of suicide is askew. For we few it like failure. I guess we fail to realize that some combinations of beings, just are not strong enough to with stand the pain this station in life in fact puts you through. Pain so deep, it numbs you.

Mothers, we came her to be who we are. Can we not rise up to show the scares, so we can heal, and we can teach the world about how it truly feels to do this. What are the challenges and the pit falls. I think we can do better if this is some kind of spiritual process for our planet. But I feel it was an experiment that society did on us kids, and I can not back up this kind of process unless we all learn from it. My thought is why the hell are we doing this to ourselves?

Well, that is what’s on this mind today. Happy Easter. I send kisses and wish for a family that is together and showing up. That is all we can do, show up. When we back up, we mess up, and it just takes longer. So lets all learn our lessons.

It easy, cry and speak to those around you about the wounds you have. The truth is, they may have the salve to heal it, but if you don’t tell them, how can they even rise to the occasion. I am rising and raising awareness of the detailed and complex lives of us Adoptees, I encourage you today to do your part, and tell someone your truth, you may not feel like me, but together we can bring this  planet to a better understand, so those of us who did not like it can live too. And maybe we can look at why we did not like it, and adjust it?

Please excuse any perceived grammar issues and misspellings. I am just a person here, telling a story. I am not show boat. I get that we must work to articulate ourselves, but not everyones like that, some of us just do it, and get messy. Love to all who have come by today. Know that all Mothers, Adopted, or Original. I do love you, and God loves you too. You are warriors who came to do this work, and its’ been hard, some of you ended up in the gutter, but God saw it. And we need to look at why we let it happen to you, for we let it happen to us too.

o-MAYA-ANGELOU-MOM-VIVIAN-BAXTER-facebook

Look at this picture, they have weathered the storms of life and they have triumphed. Mother, phenomenal. That is what you both are. I have bonded to both of you, and just because I want my Mom, does not mean I don’t want my Adopted Mom, I want to call them Mom, and stop all this labeling so people can understand. You all need to change out there, so I and my people can live lives that fit us, and we need some things to change to make this better.

A child needs its’ Mother, it is a manufacturing things, and we are like iPhones that need to doc every now an again with the Mother ship. It is a programing update issue. But we have so much shame on this, and need to work on our shame work. Brene Brown is the  person ;you need to see. She can train you to be able to become vulnerable so you can step into your authentic self.

WE have got so many people in need of an update, that we are all wacked out and can’t run our mental programs like this anymore, and or understand life. WE all are running from pain and that bitch will hunt you down. For pain is inside of us, and it is a systemic issue, that we need to address. Adoption is just one facet of this update issue.

Take care, I could type forever. There is a lot of updating I need to do, for my family and the world. So I encourage you to do the work a about this, don’t step back when your sweaty and tired, take a deep breath, take a nap,and regroup, but show up. I want to tell each and every Mother who has relinquished to not give up, I am working on it. Many Moms blog and that is so beneficial to the Adoptee who is trying to get to know her/his Mom or family, we have instinct, what we battle with is ignorance and information that does not match up, truth is the only way to rise above. Educate folks, and that is rough, cuz what we have dot report is a tough pill to swallow, but it is the cure.

 

Happy Easter all. xoxo

Love to you, even if it tastes like Hate.

I Love you, enough to say the truth from my perspective. I am ready to let go of that energy, and ma ready to step into my rightful place which was with you, and now is with us three. I want you both. I need you both. You both are worthy.

Let us do the work…. For we have more, and what is beyond is beyond your wildest dreams, so get to it. Time is running, and this world needs changing.

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