My Mothers and ME

 

Maya Angelou was not brought up in a family that was like the ones hollywood makes us believe is real. And her Mother did the same thing to her mine did to me, only a bit differently. But what I love about her story is they showed up. And they worked on it. Now look at these lovely ladies in my life. Each so amazing, right? But why do we struggle? Well, our foundation is faulty and I did not know that, for my Mothers did not know that?But my body knew that. And thank God I pay attentions.

For my body tells me I need them both now, but one has not shown up since I came back like she should. I didn’t show up either like I should, not knowing what to do to get my Mom to see me as hers. She had been brainwashed, her mind to full of what everyone else has to say to her about it. And no one wants to see they hurt their child, least of all the Mother of that child, and I have two. But life is for learning, right? And Mother, one of the most important pieces must get this shit right? So here we go. I am gonna tell you about how I feel and you see what you think about it? And then you read about another, and another and another and soon you will agree. For our numbers are many and God will make you bend your ear to us. And God will make you look at what you did to us. For darkness is around Adoptions. It is tearing us apart. One baby and Mother at at time. Adoption tears up the dreams of those with hope of its cure for a barren womb, but this does not cure it, it only magnifies it, for the child will be it’s undoing in the end not knowing why it feels like it does, but God knows, for he designed it that way.

A child separated from its Mother will only makes it worse, for to make a child love a Mother that is not her own is cruel. And so you put the Adoptive Mother into a precarious position feeding her lies that her child ends up showing her the folly of by just being a child who wants what is theirs by birth right. No amount of paper can deny DNA.  If my Mother were dead that would be another story, but she’s not, and she wasn’t at the time either. So what’s the excuse now? Oh, it was inconvenient? Isn’t the universe like that? Storm comes and you just got your hair done. What’s more important? You instant fix of what society said was a problem? Or do the right thing? Maybe pray and ask the Universe why a baby grows inside you belly? Mary did? And it was Jesus? God told her why she was pregnant, right? And this story is so well recorded but we don’t think we are in-fact the Mary’s of the future?  The word says that God is not respecter of persons? Act 10:34 Then Peter began to speak: “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism

We think God has used up all his genius? What is the purpose of Jesus? What is the purpose of babies? And what is the purpose of a Mother if she lets the world tell her she a slut for being one? Like wake up woman this is the alarm to arm yourselves with the truth about it and protect the Mother child bond with your very life. For it is what is making all this happen.

The picture of my and my bio Mom on the left is kind of a sad story of how messed up we are. My Mom came down to her home town to a class reunion. And we had not been speaking. And she drove right past me, on I-5, my town is right off that highway. And she went right past me and went to visit a cousin whom I had found. Her cousin on her side. And I had spoken to this cousin about my feelings about being adopted and my pain. Now, my Mother drove down there for some reason, and up until this visit my cousin was respective, but after she become angry at me. She told me off and said I was ungrateful for sharing my feelings. My I shared my side and she had done a complete turn around that before. So empathy for me anymore, I mean I should not be encouraged at all being upset about my predicament? I should just go back to the Mother my Mother gave me? Is that what she meant? And then things got worse.

So my cousin lives in the city, and my Mother drove down into the city to see her. Ok? Remember that part. She drove to the city. And then she stayed and had a visit and then she drove to her home town, which is not in the city, but it close to me?

So my Mother then went to her class reunion. After her reunion was over she started home, but I imagine God tapped her on the shoulder, trying to get her attentions somehow. And so she instead of just driving home, decided to call me and tell me where she was, and that she was heading home! WHAT THE FUCK! You are driving home? Without seeing me? You’re in Orland? Well, let me come see you? I will drive to you? Your going to drive further away from me to Corning? Ok, I’ll come there to see you. And so I did. Because she’s my Mother for God sake? You don’t get another they say? And so while there, I took this picture of us. Our last picture together. And I love it, we look amazing.

But for a Mother to not run to her child. For my Mother to be so conflicted. It is a tragedy, to us all. People work for the sanctity of marriage, but what about the sanctity of the Mother child bond. A Mother never ever gets over a child’s’ birth, or an abortion, or a death. Come on! We must face this, and no more nonsense, please.

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