Below is the last text I sent my bio mom. I have done all this crazy purging to sho the world the struggle we face as adoptees. Someone’s got to break the veil that’s keeps us invisible.
A woman gave me away. Because society couldn’t accept how I came into this world. So I had to be prettied up to be acceptable.
I have always loved the woman that allowed God to make me in her belly. Can you see that? I struggle with what you thought I should be. I see you. I see what you did. I needed to deliver my truth to bring the balance. I am me. And this is who I am completely. I have shown you my shame cave (my mind). Even to the darkest point. I am still here in willows. Loving you. For you helped make me possible. Society has said a lot about who an adoptee is. And I struggle and wrestle with that. Not you as a person. I see you. And even all the darkness can not cause me to loose hope in us. For to loose hope in us is to loose hope in myself. If this is all we have as beings in this life. I accept you completely. All your warts. Are you able to do the same? Is there truly no love for me? Is that the truth? Anyway. I have told you exactly how I felt about it. And I realize it was a shock and not what you planned for. My mom you gave me too was shocked as well. If we never speak or touch again. Thank you for allowing yourself to be used by a sovereign God who made me in your womb for the woman who prayed for me. I wish you well and let completely go of you. Thank you for caring for my child. I am so happy she has found some acceptance in your camp. May you be blessed. Thank you for allowing God to heal me, by not disconnecting from me. Take care. I was grateful for your help. I am grateful for your time. I am grateful for it all. The pain and the joy. I am grateful to have been giving the chance to experience you all, my family of origin. And if possible. I would like to start over. Now that I have shed my old skin of awareness. But I get it. If not. You will always have a soft spot in my heart. Even if I did not in yours. Accept that we are completely different beings. I don’t plan on texting you again so this is long. I am letting completely go of you both. I have held on in hopes things would change. But accept that this is how we are. This is our normal. I am heading into my next phase. And needed to shed these old idea to move on. And that’s not what you signed up for. I get it. So I will pack my bag up and move along now. Take care if my girl. She’s a precious creation I allowed God to make inside of me. And I was honored to be her mom. She is such a surprise. I know she will do something great in this world. And already has just being herself. May her bubbley energy show you the side of me you missed. Take care. Xo.