Mother Earth Rebuke

Mother Earth Rebuke
World? When we all gonna grow up?
When we gonna recognize?
World?When we all gonna grow up?
Gods love is not disguised
Gods love is in all things you see?
Babies are just my fav
And making and killing for your recreation, is getting real old you see?
Time to grow up my children
Time to stand up, clean up, grow up
Lords been seeing what your doing
Aint no one blind to that
You all think your keeping me in the dark
But you forgot I made the rat
So look at your ideas, look at what your doing
Cuz we need to clean this shit up
I need a proactive scrub, of the pustular landfills
You need to stop trying to bury your trash
Aint nobody late for class
Now, i see it all clear, get over your selves
Can’t pull nothing over on mama,
And Papa aint a rolling stone
So stand up children, get counted
And make Mother earth real proud.
Rights to this Poem are the sole property of the writer Belinda Gayheart-Arnold this moment 8/19/15. All rights reserved

Stories about what it’s like to be Adopted

mama me

This picture is bitter sweet. The day I took this I had gotten a call from my Birth Mom. And she apparently had gone to see my cousin Marcia. Now Marcia I had only just met, but being the honest person I am, I told her my feelings. Folks not all people can handle feelings. It’s a sticky business.

But on this trip she drove right by my house on the freeway, my mother did. And went to Santa Cruz to visit Marcia to do some I guess she was headed there to do some damage control. Basically get Marcia to see what a bitch, or loon I was. She succeeded.

She’s quit the articulate one my Mother. But she called me in Orland. Apparently she did not know how to get from Gridley to Willows, which was a balled faced lie. She could drive to Santa Cruz and not find my place? Lord.

But I got into my car, not knowing when I would see her again, and went to spend a few minutes with her. I had not see her in years before this. 2007 or 08 I think. This was I think 2011. But we visited she and I. And it was strained. But my gesture was sincere. Hoping she would find it in her heart to let me in. But no she did not.

Don’t we look a like she and I? It’s to bad we are not close. But with all the ideas that keep us apart, I guess that’s the way it is.

Sometimes you win and sometimes you win. But it does not always feel good.

Words from an Adoptees heart.

I am kind of one of those people who come out of nowhere and light you up and then leave. I make you mad at first, with my bold kind of truth. But after the smoke settles, months from now. My words will make sense. God shows me stuff. He show me trends. And he sends me out to proclaim it or teach it or whatever is needed. And so, I have always been that way.

I just woke up, god woke me up to the truth that I had been living a lie. That everyone told me I had to. I never bonded to my Adoptive Mom like I did to my Birth MOTher. I know this, cuz I see the pain in my Adoptive Moms eyes, and I can not give her what I gave another. And it pains me to say so. It should not be and I struggle to find another way to access it. But the deed was done. And I did n’t know. I felt a stranger was keeping me from my Mom. And torturing me, by telling me I was a beggar and I don’t get to choose.

I guess to a natural child I would have understood that statement. I am sure she did not mean to be mean I have told myself a hundred times. But how long must I make excuses for this behavior, all because the law says she my Mom.

And I am upset at My Birth Mother and I am not going to slither back into the box she gave me. And I do not feel that she has the right to block me like this. I played the game like she wanted. But for her it was not a game, it was a oath. She never wished to see me again. And excuse me, but I am just not over that yet. I have a lot of medicine I had to take, and a lot to give back.

Its hard getting people who’s voices have been silenced to Speak a truth no one can argue.

I am adopted. My adoption was in 1963. My Mother finding herself with a child she did not create properly, had to dispose of it, to save us both apparently. But my question is why?

Why do we call babies wrong? Still? Its 2015 for god sake. And we create laws that protect our parents from us? We should have been protected from you. You who ripped us from her arms. You who told her she was not enough. You would said she was a whore for creating us. Those who made her think we were the very act that got us here.

I speak of these things in hopes to untwist the twisted that was put on us, the adoptee.

And it’s not easy. Cuz people think a lot of stupid shit about something they really know nothing about. And that makes me angry. And so I want to educate them, you. I am pushy, yes. I came her to feel this, and it feels like shit. And all I think about is, I want my Mom. And she’s so fucked up, she’s acting like a stranger. And I know she’s my Mom, I found her after 30 years.

But after 22 years of reunion we still struggle she and I and my siblings. My whole family blocks me because I speak my truth. They tell me to go clean up and act right. Man, I am an bastard child, how do I know? My Mother didn’t keep me. And no amount of paper from the Government can change that. What we need is a change of heart, and deep look at what the scriptures are saying about it. Is God happy with the way we are handing his children. Cuz my bible reads.

Matt 19:13-15

13Then some children were brought to Him so that He might lay His hands on them and pray; and the disciples rebuked them. 14But Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” 15After laying His hands on them, He departed from there.

Well, if Jesus said that what the hell are you doing with his children? HIs babies? People this is so selfish. Both of my Mothers said with their own Mouthes, said, “we wish we had never done this” and what should I think? One woman so desperate to fill a hole that would say she was a woman. One desperate to get rid of what said she was a whore. And what about me? In all of these maneuvers , no one said it was good for you. NO ONE SAID IT FIRST!!!! NO ONE! IT WAS ALL ABOUT THEM.

AND ADOPTIONS FOR KIDS. FUCKING NO ITS NOT. ITS FOR SOCIETY AND ITS LITTLE PINK A BLUE BOXES ALL PRISTINE AND BOWS AS WELL, TO PLACE DIRTY BABIES IN SO THEY CAN LIVE ON THIS PLANET WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE LIKE THAT? OH LORD HELP US.

ADOPTEE’S- ASLEEP IN THE DARKNESS ,THINKING ITS THE LIGHT. LOOK AGAIN FRIENDS

Now this song talks about a church. BUT WE ARE MANY, SO WE COULD BE A CHURCH. AND WE JUST CARE ABOUT OURSELVES, NOT EACH OTHER AND OUR COLLECTIVE CAUSE.

HOW DO I KNOW THIS? WELL, YOU READ WHAT BASTARD NATION PEOPLE WERE SAYING TO ME? LIKE I AM TRYING TO SHOW MY PEOPLE THAT THEY NEED TO WAKE UP. GO STOP SETTLING FOR THIS. WE CAN CHANGE IT IF WE SHARE OUR STORIES WITH THE WORLD, NOT EACH OTHER.

SHARING IN CHAT ROOMS WAS FOR US TO PRACTICE TELLING OUR TRUTH. BUT NOW WE ARE STRONG AND I WILL STAND OUT HERE WITHOUT YOU. BUT YOUR JUST GONNA LOOK STUPID NOT COMING OUT. XO

ASLEEP IN THE LIGHT

Do you see?
Do you see?
All the people sinking down?
Don’t you care?
Don’t you care?
Are you gonna let them drown?

How can you be so numb?!
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes,
And pretend the job is done

“oh, bless me, lord!
Bless me, lord!”
You know, it’s all I ever hear!
No one aches,
No one hurts,
No one even sheds one tear
But, he cries,
He weeps,
He bleeds,
And he cares for your needs
And you just lay back,
And keep soaking it in

Oh, can’t you see such sin?!
’cause he brings people to your door,
And you turn them away
As you smile and say,
“god bless you!
Be at peace!”
And all heaven just weep,
’cause Jesus came to your door,
You left him out on the streets

Open up! open up!
And give yourself away
You see the need,
You hear the cries,
So how can you delay?!
God is calling,
And you are the one
But like Jonah, you run
He told you to speak,
But you keep holding it in

Oh, can’t you see such sin?!
The world is sleeping in the dark,
That the church just can’t fight,
’cause it’s asleep in the light!
How can you be so dead?!
When you’ve been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave,
And you!
You can’t even get out of bed!
Oh, Jesus rose from the dead!
Come on, get out of your bed!

How can you be so numb?!
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes,
And pretend the job is done!
You close your eyes,
And pretend the job is done!
Don’t close your eyes,
Don’t pretend the job is done

Come away! come away!
Come away with me, my love!
Come away from this mess,
Come away with me, my love!
Come away from this mess!
Come away with me, my love!
Come away,
Come away with me my love!

Nobody’s Praying or us cuz they think we are fine. Stand up!

“Nobody Praying For Me”

I’m a whisper lost upon wind
I’m the ember that will burn you down
I’m the water that will drown you
I’m a star that’s just a black hole now
I’m a terrifying danger
I’m fruit decaying on the ground
I’m a swallower of anger
I’m the tree that falls and makes no sound
I make no sound…

‘Cause if I stand up, I’ll break my bones
And everybody loves to see a fall unfold
Ain’t nobody giving up, ’cause nobody gives a fuck
Stand up and break my bones
Everybody wants what they just can’t hold
There’s nobody praying for me

I am fungus in the forest
I’m a lizard with a poison tongue
I’m the child in the manger
I’m the one who sacrificed his son
Rust is showing on my armor
I am wheezing like an old man… done
I’m a product of my anger
I’m the bullet in a loaded gun

Stand up, I’ll break my bones
And everybody loves to see a fall unfold
Ain’t nobody giving up, ’cause nobody gives a fuck
Stand up and break my bones
Everybody wants what they just can’t hold
There’s nobody praying for me

‘Cause if I stand up, I’ll break my bones
And everybody loves to see a fall unfold
Ain’t nobody giving up, ’cause nobody gives a fuck
Stand up and break my bones
Everybody wants what they just can’t hold
There’s nobody praying for me
(There’s nobody praying for me)
There’s nobody praying for me

THIS SONG IS US FOLK AND THEY DON’T PRAY BECAUSE THEY DONT’ KNOW? AND WHY DON’T THEY KNOW? BECAUSE WE ARE STILL ACTING LIKE PUPPETS. WE STILL MANEUVER WITH THE SAME VERNACULAR WHAT GOT US HERE WITH A PEOPLE WHO PUT US HERE. 

THAT MY FRIENDS IS INSANITY.

To fight this fight we must gerd ourselves with truth, our truth is the weapon that will win us what was ours to begin with. Man took it away, not God.