When An Adoptee Doesn’t Conform To Their Adoptive Family

A great read for someone who want to understand it and maybe make it better.

Musings of a Birthmom

Nature versus nurture. The age-old question. You’ll hear sound arguments for both sides.

My official stance is both. However, the foundation lies in nature, in one’s DNA. Everything else will be built upon this foundation. We mold and shape our kids, throughout the years, and teach them to channel their talents and personalities to be as successful as possible in their lives. Traits in our children that can be used for good things in their lives, can also lead to detriment if proper parenting has not taught them how to assert (or wrangle in) these traits. Nature and nurture work together to shape who we will become.

Melanie is a stubborn child, like her biological mother. She is also prone to being hyper and erratic. Melanie likes to challenge authority and question everything. She gets these traits from her biological father. Melanie has two sisters who are just like this as…

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Suicide and Adoption: We Need to Stop Whispering

Lets’ talk about how we feel, don’t go to the grave. If we just speak up how it feels, we can change it. We can show people what we see. It’s time.

Light of Day Stories

Update: For resources about adoption-related suicide awareness and prevention, here is information.

Just this morning, as I was getting ready to post this, I read on my Facebook feed about a 28-year-old Korean adoptee who died by suicide two days ago. I did not know her. She was the same age as my oldest son, and she had a daughter about the age of my granddaughter. May she rest in peace.

I am holding in my heart a 20-something-year-old adoptee, adopted with a biological sibling into a huge adoptive family (more than 25 kids). He is overwhelmed all the time these days, as a result of things he has done and has had done to him. He wants to go home, though he’s not sure any longer where “home” is. He is in great need of mental health services, and is intently resisting help. He is teetering on the edge…

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Half broke hearts still broke

Accepting that our hearts are broke is part of it.

Accepting that this is what you get when you do this, Adoption.

Your story is valid, and we need to stand together to witness our pain, our struggle is our story.

Accept that you can trust yourself, and that that’s ok.

Stand up and be who this made you.

Stand up and just speak your truth, others truths will have to compensate. We have bent long enough.

It is time to open our mouth and speak to show them the terrible ugly they all made here. You know I am not lying now.

And the terrible ugly is-

No original birth record-

which means, no heritage of DNA matching status

Living in the dark about ones true heritage to please our parents

We were forced into an unnatural situation that was man made.

Even in the bible, man did that. I wonder if God was powerful enough to take care of Moses?

Yeah, people talk smack. Yep, they don’t  understand. So they act out. And those who want true understanding just get in the God damn trench with there brother or sister. Like my sister Victoria. She doesn’t get it, but is still connected to her spirit that tells her the seed she needs to sow with her  sister. The seed she would want me to sow for her if the tables were turned. But that bitch got into the trench. And that’s all I needed from her, now what the hells with all of you all? She has mental capabilities you mother truckers could hope to have. And she sees me in the hole and she’s trying to free me, she feels the wound and always has. Thank God for a sister. xo

Trying to find what’s lost and broken and make it right.

You know it’s not so bad having a broken heart that doesn’t heal. God made a bond so strong, that no matter what you do, it will not be broken. And I stand her today to testify to that strength. It is my undoing, my burden, my comfort, my challenge her on this earth. And we toil you and I, spirit to spirit connected, but separated by costumes, I recognize you, do  you me? xo

Listen to the words, and know that each of us as Adoptees is in a burning house themselves, and we need not stay there. I am foraging a way, to embrace it, and just be ok with the pain. Sounds crazy. But have you been able to get rid of it? I thought so.

I have a dream of a better story ending- Adoptees

http://brenebrown.com/2015/06/18/own-our-history-change-the-story/

It is rough hearing that your child that you thought you so lovingly gave up for adoption, didn’t see it that way. And it’s hard to be the child having to do that. And we struggle to be seen and heard. But I have a dream, and I have it in my sights. I wanted you to know, how it went. And we haven’t even gotten to the best part, cuz we are stuck here. Our stories needed to be told to each other. So, that we both can move on. I am tired of being shoed away, stamped not good enough, not nice enough, not a convenient time, and wrong all together. Accept me, all of me, even the ugly parts? I know we don’t understand each other, but another raised me, and so I turned out ok. I turned out amazing.

You just can’t see me, because your thoughts are in the way of who I really am. It didn’t turn out the way you thought it would or should. But I did turned out. I thought the least you could do is listen and witness it, it’s not over now, but it’s not fair to turn away at the ugly parts. You miss the impact of the ending without it’s challenges.

Just getting real. It’s a bit of work, when you hide who you were for years cuz you thought if your own Mom didn’t want you, it wasn’t safe to trust anyone here. Being adopted means that you make a lot of choices without your Mom along side. Being adopted means that you have two Moms. And for years, I have lived with the truth, and not been able to proclaim it with the love inside my heart. Why? For fear of being rejected again, my mind not quit up to speed for lack of processing a BIG DEAL called relinquishment.

I have been to many councilors who profess to help me, I paid them to help me. I did not really get the help I needed. Non of them could see that I was reeling from my adoption-relinquishment trauma. Why? Because most folks say I had no trauma. But they are not here with me. Those people who do not recognize my trauma, you know, loosing my Mom at 2 days old and not grieving her loss, my loss. And that fact right there has cause me to be stuck in a feed back loop I will call it.

The loop is this: My Mom didn’t want me so who else would? And with out truth, my truth unedited, I stayed there for 52 years. I stayed in that loop for years until I just blurted it out, all of it. My pain exploded onto the pages of my blog in random and erratic force. And it was scary to do so. It meant that I was blowing my cover. My pristine beautiful lie. For I did as I was told and I believed what everyone told me in their well meaning ways to explain what had happened and why I was now being raised by someone other than my Mom. But those explanations were not what I experienced each day. They did not explain away my love for a woman I only met once. And so I kept going, looking, searching for answers that these explanation did not satisfy.

My Mother could not know that fact at age 25 when she relinquished me. That is not what she was told. But the fact is that what they told her was what they told her, not what I experienced as truth. And it is my desire to be authentic, and me. So, I must tell my truth, however painful it is to hear for both my Mothers. I must be free from these opposing stories that do not match my experience. I do not desire to upset folks. But I must be congruent with my own narrative.

After purging myself of these old stories, and also of my own tragic story, a new story emerges from the ash. A story that is exciting to me. A new beginning for us all, for us three, my mothers and me. For as I look again I see another story beyond all of ours. A story of redemption, and regeneration, and love. I see how two woman in the 60’s came together, even though they never met.

You see in 1963 it was a hard road to keep a child not produced inside of the matrimonial boundaries. And I was not conceived under that boundary. My father had gone into the Army when my Mother found out she was pregnant with me. And she was separated from her husband of which my last name is.

Correct Taylor Swift!!

In this age of techno phones that are smart, we deal and are having to face our preoccupation with being perceived as perfect. People strive to look perfect or above it all. I write on my phone and it makes mistakes and I make mistakes, and puts words in my text, like some friends do. And a funny thing happened one day when I had sent yet another retarded text. I realized that phones are making us get over it. Grammar, all that. And what about perception and how that plays into texting and communication? Isn’t how the reader is really wanting to see what you say in play here?

One person sees it as harmless, like me. I mean sometimes I am just lazy and expect that my readers are to the level intellect wise to get me. I mean that’s what I do? I hate spending time correcting people when I got what they said even if they said the wrong word. Geez.

I love and see why Miss Taylor is on top. She is aware. She’s articulate, and she speaks and uses her voice to take something like this and use it to teach. That bitch is legit.

Thanks Tay!

http://www.ryanseacrest.com/2015/06/09/taylor-swift-jokingly-schools-fan-on-grammar-after-getting-corrected/

Why is it so hard to see that Adoption really does not mean its a better life.

http://www.wchstv.com/news/features/eyewitness-news/stories/Kanawha-Man-Setenced-In-Fatal-Shooting-Of-Adopted-Daughter-Wounding-Of-Adopted-Son-146464.shtml#.VXd9Xs65fzK

Now this story is showing this very fact. Adoption is mans cure. Divorce is mans cure. But does the cure actually contribute to the cause? yes. In many adoption has been a hang up. Now, if no one wants to look at this shit, we will be seeing a lot more of this shit until we can face it.