Adoptees have scars- Birth Mothers must accept the scars on the children they relinquished.


Play the Madonna Quiz
“Beautiful Scars”

Just take me with all my stupid flaws
Changing me’s like shooting in the dark
Patience please, I’ll never be as perfect as you want me to be-lieve me I want it just as bad
Forgive me, wish I could change the past
Take it ‘cos I’ll never be as perfect as you want

I think you’re confusing me with somebody else
I won’t apologize for being myself

Take me with all of my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
I come to you with all my flaws
With all my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
With all my beautiful scars

Don’t judge me, just gotta let me be
Accept me, although I’m incomplete
My im-per-fections make me unique that’s my belief

I think you’re confusing me with somebody else
I won’t apologize for being myself

Take me with all of my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
I come to you with all my flaws
With all my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
With all my beautiful scars

Never say never
Anything is possible
Always been a rebel
Overcoming obstacles
I can’t give you perfect
But I can give you forever, oh ohoh oh oh

Take me with all of my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
I come to you with all my flaws
With all my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
With all my beautiful scars

With all my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
(You got to love me, you got to love me…)
(You got to love me, you got to love me…)

The life of an Adoptee is a mix of insanity and sanity. Our world is not like those who have been kept. Our life turned upside down at our beginning, is full of things that don’t fit. Our lives are plagued with half stories and half truths. We the Adoptee are relinquished by our only cheerleader. Our trust is broken. We truly want to trust. But our own Mother did this to us? How can we? Trust again?

We carry our wounds around, inside our psyche. Our thoughts trying to figure out how this happened to us? Why we? My Mommy kept 3 girls. When I was born, she had two girls already, but she didn’t want to stay with her husband at the time. And she got mixed up with my Daddy. She slept with him. I don’t know maybe he forced himself onto her. Maybe that is why my Mommy does not want me?

I came back, hoping like all children to find a Mommy who wanted me as  much as I wanted her. But wait a minute? She did give me up, why would I think that? Well, I’ll tell you why? People make choices and regret or wish for another chance. But my Mommy is the most stubborn woman I know. My daughter Chelsie Lynn must take after her.

My Mommy is so bullheaded she can not see her child, wounded, and hurting. So blinded by the God of this world, her mind that thinks it knows it all. Didn’t see this one coming did you Mommy? No, you didn’t. That is the thing about dealing with our past, if we do not deal properly, it comes back and bites us in the ass.

Go on, deny me. I have lost you already to a fucked up mind that is dominated by thoughts that are founded on lies. You go ahead live in your lies. I cannot longer hide my pain so you can go on living a wonderful life without me. I am so glad that relinquishing me made it so you could go on and be such a productive part of society? Giving babies away like candy. Helping unwed moms do what you did and perpetuate the very thing that has wounded your own flesh and blood beyond repair. My scars so deep and you drive the knife deeper.

My sister don’t need me, as you so warmly told me when I came to see you after our reunion. Yeah, you got caught with your pants down. And God turned the light on. I not knowing your decision to hide me. I was so excited to meet you, but you, you were fucked up as ever. I mean I guess you do believe it still all my fault don’t you?

Go ahead tell yourself that story at bedtime. May it sooth your stupidity, and ignorance. You fucked yourself when you did this to your own flesh and blood. Do you think that you an hide from the eyes of God? Who see all, and into your black heart and mind that thinks you know it all.

Go ahead tell your councilor who you are paying to tell you what you want to hear. Remember that. I have nothing to loose now. Nothing.

You are such a know it all aren’t you?

Well, that is what got us here wasn’t it?

In the end you made such a great decision, and feel it was best. But you’re a lier. You say that like an actor reading her lines. Silly woman, I see into your soul. Remember I rode  around inside of you. I heard it all. And you thought I was a mistake and still do.

You think that helping my daughter will help? You only want to do what you want to do? It does not make up for it. She is the way she is because she has heard it all. She has had to live with a Mother who was given up for adoption. A Mother who’s Mommy’s how were so self centered, only caring about their reputations and stature.

My kids have been raised by a Woman who was left in the dark by her Mommy’s. No one helping me deal with my grief, hell you two don’t think I should have any. I don’t know I did not get that memo. Go ahead, sooth yourself, by telling yourself those fairytales, or that I am crazy. Well, my Mommy didn’t want me, that right there is so fucked up, what did you expect?

Tell yourself it was best, but the proof is in the pudding, and God served you an extra big portion so you could taste it?

8 thoughts on “Adoptees have scars- Birth Mothers must accept the scars on the children they relinquished.

  1. As a birthmom my heart aches for you, everyone deserves to be loved and accepted without question especially by her. I am grateful that you are sharing your feelings and perspective as much as it hurt to read I know it must be excruciating to write.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My prayer is that we can get the word out educate people about the truth the truth that is locked up inside of us adoptees. Our shame caves need to be on display for All to see what a child thinks about this act called loving.

      Like

  2. You know. I love my birth mommy. But I can not let her just live a lie that is killing me. Her actions are ignorant at best. She is trying to protect herself. And because she has taken a route of the minds suggestion. She has lost her intuitive self. She’s being controlled by the part of herself that will die. And she is blocking her own healing in This very thing.

    Like

    • I love the woman I remember. The woman who carried me is not the woman who lives now and has her name. My mommy died the day she gave me away. God cut her off from me. I just need to see t for myself.

      Like

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