Member guidelines are for those adoptees that still are being lead around

https://www.facebook.com/ConcernedUnitedBirthparents/posts/846085742125199MEMBER GUIDELINES

We are a community of concerned individuals, touched by the loss associated with adoption. We have developed a set of guidelines which help keep us safe and help our members feel supported and find resources as we strive to move forward together in a healthy way. Please always be respectful of our community and the feelings and opinions expressed within.
The spirit of our community is one of compassion, empathy, empowerment and growth. You have a unique opportunity while you are here to work on your own healing and recovery, and also to offer encouragement and understanding to others who are all in different stages of the learning or healing process associated with adoption loss.
Who We Are Not:
We are neither medical nor mental health professionals. CUB is not intended as a substitute or replacement for therapy, counseling, or professional mental health services.
Topics of Discussion:
All comments should relate specifically to your personal relationship and experience to the original post. This is not a forum to attack, provoke, insult, threaten or intentionally attempt to emotionally trigger an individual member, or group of the adoption triad or constellation.
The forum is not to be used as a personal blog, journal, social networking site or for giving and receiving off-topic support or advice. Humor, artistry, discussion on timely news or social media topics are welcome, however, excessive off-topic posts and comments will be removed and the member asked to move to a more appropriate forum.
Please respect our readers by not posting the same thing in multiple threads. Multiple copies or slightly modified copies of the same post are not permitted.
Our individual thoughts, ideas and feelings are important to each of us. However, please try not to “hijack” the threads of others. Comments should be targeted to the subject matter introduced by the original post. Conversations within a thread will often evolve and develop, and this is a healthy process that can help members come to a deeper understanding of the topic at hand and other members of the adoption constellation.
Please consider your words carefully and your audience before you post a comment.This is a unique place where people who may live in places of extreme isolation can connect, simply by the sharing of words. Anger and frustration at your own situation is to be expected at times. However, anger and frustration expressed towards other members can be counter-productive. We at CUB prefer to channel our angry energies toward adoption reform, preservation of family, advocacy for birth family and adoptee rights. Disagreements will happen. Speak to others as you would wish to be spoken to, and offer your comments in a respectful, constructive manner. All members must respect the opinions of others and recognize diversity as part of the learning and healing process.
Do not intentionally goad or insult other members. Flaming other members or inflaming an already volatile thread is not allowed. Mocking or name-calling of another member has no place here, and should not be used when speaking of a person suffering from adoption related trauma.
You are encouraged to describe situations and behaviors you may have dealt with. You are asked to refrain from profane, derogatory name-calling or blanket statements and generalizations of people or groups which does little in the way of resolving problems and tends to alienate or dehumanize, particularly when used in a general context.
Moderation of the Board:
This is a moderated forum. The moderators are also people who have dealt with or are dealing with adoption loss. The moderating team can delete, hide or block comments at their discretion, including but not limited to deleting member posts when such posts are determined to be in conflict with these guidelines or blocking individuals altogether.
Moderators can and will suspend accounts if a poster is not respecting others or not contributing constructively in the spirit of the community. A warning will be given to any regular member before an account is blocked.
If you have a question or concern about a moderating decision or how the board is run you can send a personal message to the page or send an email through our website. Do not use the original thread or any other forum to question or debate moderating decisions as this is a further distraction from the original thread topic.
Note that personal messages and requests sent to moderators, admins and the site owner regarding the operation of the CUB Facebook page are shared with the other board and team members. After an initial acknowledgment, a consensus will be reached among the leadership team prior to a response being made or action being taken.

My response on Facebook below-

These are just a way to box out real progress if we need to control everything. Adoptees have had no control for years over their own lives. And well this is just another box people. That keeps out real progress. I guess we can control the weather? Can we control at all? We have purchased that illusion the day a woman relinquishes a child. Control. She inadvertently gave her power away the day she saw a child in her womb growing and decided it was wrong. Control is an illusion. Guidelines just box people out. It boxes out the people who trul need and want help but don’t fit your set of rules. When will adoptees truly be able to be who relinquishing us made us? When will we be enough? Just as we are? Geez. To keep someone safe from another person triggering the adoptees own nightmare? We might as well hide in a closet. There is safety in number. And the truth will set us free. But not if we hide. Rules are made to protect? Who and what are you protecting? Us from truly looking at the nightmares adoption creates inside the minds of children relinquished by there own mommy? Come on. We face daily what our mothers did in the name of love for us. We face their biggest nightmare each day. Because we were that one thing she could t face now aren’t we?As far as I can see, these rules are very unrealistic rules for the Adoptee. We have been ruled out of our own families, and still these people, the Birth Parents are trying to rules it all. Label it all, call the shots, tell us how and when we may speak. I mean this kind of behavior is what got us into this mess called Adoption.

End of post from Facebook——————————————————————

Our Mothers, decided that ___________________________fill in the blank). The end results meant that we did not get to stay with Mommy. Now tell me who invented what went into the blank above? Right, A Birth Mother, who forgot who she was. A human having a spiritual experience. But these bitches be looking at it with such shame now aren’t they? Still trying to clean up their lives with rules and white picket fences now aren’t they?

These people still not able to just receive what their actions have created. They hope to box it up into a pretty little box and present it to the world as evidence that they are truly good, and what they do is pure and holy. But what these bitches don’t get is. They tell on themselves and show the shame they still hold inside because of what they did to themselves. Each act is designed to prove to the world the triad is valid and organized. 

I call bullshit ladies. I can see right through your words to see that if you must box it, you are not really seeking truth. You wish to keep it safe for yourselves. I have see what happens when one of us says the truth, their truth. You get all jacked up and defensive. Why? Because I the wounded one can smell your pain like a wolf who is hungry for a delicious meal. But the blood I smell is your wound weeping in front of me. 

It is time for The two side of the Triad that are not the Adoptee to sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up and open those ears you closed a long time ago and listen to what the results from your actions have garnered you dear people. Take your medicine, because we have carried it long enough. You who could not have a child and made that child pay a high price for your completion, so high you would rip it from the breast of it Mommy. You who thought you made a mistake, but did when you relinquished the only good thing that came from that relationship, or rape, whatever. And sperm donors look out, you better get ready as well.

I say to those who were raped, that child in your belly was what grew from that act, and if that child comes back, you must face that child and see how what you did effected them. You must! That are the rules. We play the game the way you the Birth Mother and the Adoptive Mother wanted us to, but you must see it after we have grown. And you do not get to run any longer. And God is behind this movement. We paint God so sugar sweet. Balance must be brought to this arena. 

It is only fair that when we experiment that we review our findings, but you all keep running for cover. Now stand up and take your medicine people. WE DID NOT GET TO RUN NOW DID WE? We didn’t get to run to your loving arms now did we? No, we did not. Just face that. Once you do, these words will not trigger you.

Veterans! Holy Shit we need to change this shit! Who’s with me?

The only reason this continues is we need to work together to show them we care. Your voice can help me. Please call these people and tell them what you think.

This is the leadership team of the VA that let my baby go without service and told her to go to a halfway house? Is that ok with you? Do you have a daughter? Would you want her to be treated like that? 

The link below will show you everyone who has leadership in this place that lets people just go untreated in the name of paperwork and red tape.

Southern Oregon VA letter– this is an example, just print it up and send it out. Return receipt.

8495 Crater Lake Highway, White City, OR 97503

Write a letter.

http://www.southernoregon.va.gov/about/leadership.asp

I am talking about taking back our rights for our veterans. I am talking an old fashioned pop knot on the preverbal head! Our veterans are our Brother/Sister who got into the trenches to keep YOU SAFE GOD DAMN IT!

This shit’s got to stop.

Open letter my ass. They can’t handle this kind of shit, so they blocked it. How lame.

http://www.blogs.va.gov/VAntage/15990/an-open-letter-to-americas-veterans-from-secretary-bob-mcdonald/

The site link above is so lame. There is not place to voice any kind of solution, or vent to try to make people aware. I mean how can we change if we don’t even listen to people.

I called Chris Petrone 1-(541)- 826-2111 EXT 3230

PLEASE CALL AND TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL.

Program manager has yet to call me back. So fucked up, I mean the Patent Advocate named Rick had not solution for her to get care today. Do you know what they suggested for my beautiful daughter? That she go to a halfway house? WHAT THE FUCK?

Beth Blevens SORCC LEADERSHIP 541-826-2111 ext 3202

PLEASE CALL AND TELL THEM WHAT YOU THINK

From SORCC leadership VA hung up on me? Because I spoke the truth to her and it was so ugly, she couldn’t stand to hear it any longer. And she knew she was way in over her head. I told her I was going public with this. My baby who served in the United States Air force has been trying to get them to honor taking care of her. But they are so broken, so starved for resources that go to making more broken people.

Erin Keller of Southern Oregon, VA –1-(541) 826-2111 EXT3940

Basically Erin Keller had nothing to help my daughter who had an appointment today to see a counselor with this Southern Oregon, VA. My baby girl slept in her car to make it to this appt. That is fucked up. No other words to explain it. Erin does not think much of her daughter to allow my daughter to go without finding a solution, for not making a solution happen, they pass the buck. No other way around it. Erin, and all of you mentioned here, I warned you I would go public. Yep freedom of speech starts today. And you all just got notice that this Mama won accept how you are doing our veterans and I am angry at this very evil complacency, that grows in the souls of good people who have forgotten that we are all connected. What good are we if we can not care for ;our wounded and demand they keep jumping threw these preverbal hoops. 

Why are we making it so hard for these warriors of our freedom to get the help WE SHOULD BE MAKING SURE THEY HAVE! GOD DAMN IT! I AM A PISSED WOMAN WITH A COMPUTER AND A BLOG. I AM COMING AFTER YOU! SO YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE ME. I AM NOT ALONE.

IMG_0344

Now look at this girl. I just saw her. She should not have to put up with this, nor should anyone else. I don’t care what they look like. But this girls amazing and why is this happening to her? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AT ALL? WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT WHO WE ARE AS HUMANS? MAN GET UP AND DO SOMETHING? GO DOWN AND DO SOME THING. MAKE A VETERANS LIFE A LITTLE BETTER. YOU CAN COOK FIND A VET AND HELP THEM WITH WHATEVER YOU GOT! THEY FOUGHT FOR YOU! YES YOU!

BY HELPING VETERANS, YOU HELP YOURSELF. 

I am her Mother. I could go get her, and do it myself. But damn it! This is their mess VA YOU NEED to clean up. I will get this changed so help me god. And I need Mothers who feel the same and want to help me change the VA . WE won’t get change until we do something.

IMG_0352IMG_0353

THIS IS REAL AND HAPPENING ! I AM A NORMAL MOM WHO IS TRYING TO CHANGE SOMETHING WE MOTHER WOULD NEVER DO TO OUR BABIES. BUT IT’S HAPPENING, AND WE NEED TO FIND SOLUTION. IT MUST CHANGE.

SHOULD ANYONE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS?

MICHELLE OBAMA?

BARACK OBAMA?

ANYONE OUT THERE?

ANYONE IN THE AREA CAN HELP AS WELL.  WE CAN UNIT TO MAKE SURE THESE PEOPLE GET WHAT THEY NEED. IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

I am sounding the alarm and the call to stand up to this energy of ignorance that pledges our society through the VA. Beth Hung up on a Mother of a Veteran? Like hello? You think I am going to be quiet about that? I am a United States Citizen and I pay taxes and have a right to be heard by an organization who is mistreating and not treating my Daughter who is in need of what is hers! Hello!

Two years without pay to help her to get a place to live. And why is this happening? Anyone else have a problem with this?

WHAT GOOD IS THE USA IF WE SEND OUT PERFECTLY INNOCENT KIDS AND BRING THEM BACK AND LET THEM WANDER AROUND TRYING TO GET WHAT WE SHOULD MAKE SURE THEY HAVE. GOD DAMN IT!

IF YOUR NOT ANGRY ABOUT THIS. WELL, YOUR DEAD.

http://www.southernoregon.va.gov/contact/index.asp

Don Burman, Director 541-826-2111 ext 3202 of Southern Oregon VA

PLEASE GO AND LEAVE A MESSAGE WITH THE DIRECTOR OF THIS PLACE OR WRITE. 

_____I DO NOT CLAIM TO BE AN ELOQUENT SPEAKER. NOR AM I HUNG UP WITH GRAMMAR. MY MESSAGE IS CLEAR AND IF YOU’RE HUNG UP WITH MY DICTION AND GRAMMAR, GO AWAY! YOU’VE MISSED THE POINT——————————————————————–

I came to pierce your darkness-

I blew into town like a leaf on the wind

Feeling your heart call to mine.

You needed to see me for who I really am

And you called me so loud that I came

You needed to see your future you see

A look in the mirror, your mirror, me

For my love is pure, the purest of all

My love is a Mothers love the strongest of all

And down deep below the waters edge of your soul

You know this my dear

You know this where your mind can not go

Your gut tells you you’ve swallowed a lie

For I could never have hurt you you see sweetie

For we all choose in this world how we will see it

And for a moment you were believing a nightmare

I needed to come to wake you up like I have all along

I showed you my heart, not afraid anymore.

My scar still healing, I showed you how a strong woman does it

No fear in my eyes, i brandish my soul to you

I let you practice on my heart, cutting away all of the lies

You lash at me, i take what you give yourself daily my dear,

I do it with glee, for my role I know

For I have spared with you for years my dear

I am my children fool, playing their games to help them grow

Oh, my darling well done

I know it was hard to be without Mama

And for this test your life will be blessed

Look at you, you faced it, that fear of loosing me

And you stood up to me, or who you thought I was

As I take off my fencing gear to take a look at you, my baby

And I say, You are beautiful in all of your stages.

Why honey would I say anything else.

And all that you have deemed shameful was your very life.

And there is not shame in your road.

None

You are an amazing being who is doing the best they can

And that really is all that is required

The rest is really what man said about it, look into your heart for the truth my dear

God is in the darkness, holding your hand

Light will come again if you do not faint, and walk threw it.

Being willing to change and seeing it differently as a prayer gives our Divine room to make miracles out of it all. God is everything light and dark, it is we who have said differently and interpreted it poorly.

God does not make sense to the mind, for Gods ways are not our ways.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8

God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.

Stand up, because that’s why you came.

I laundered my karma-adoptee It is time for us all to do that!!!

http://youtu.be/ZuwWvPGul3o

I wrote here so you could see that it is not so scary. Watch me. And see how I did it. How I laundered my karma by letting go of what was not mine. I carried my moms shame and grief for years. And when I found her she had so much shame around me. Around how I got here she could not see me. I tried many ways to explain my grief and loss. I worked so hard to get clear so she would understand. I wrote poems and a Merida of things to no avail.

52 years ago I was a mistake and came at an inconvenient time  30 years later I was still inconvenient. But I am an amazing person who deserves to be accepted for all of whom am. Even my warts. My eldest sister has accepted me for all of me. Thank you sissy. You are the best big sister I never had until

God gave you back to me. I am grateful for the you that you are. And even after years of feeling a void. My heart is now full.  Thank you for your impeccable kindness in every action toward me you chose to look until you found me. The real me. What an amazing role model. You unconditional love is you truest gift.

I am the lucky one today. Three amazing adult children finding their ways in this world clucking my meger offerings. The forge forward on a mission to make me proud. Not aware that they each have done that very thing my being born to me and sharing their journey. For being at the brunt of my mistakes and choosing to love me anyway.

Thank you for choosing me. I am grateful for your souls in my life. You have been my greatest teachers, lovers, enemies, soul mates. I am who

I am today because of you three plus two. Each of you unique. Some of you from my belly other road inside another and I was just added to support and pair with you as well. I am a richer woman because of each of you.

All times have helped me grow and become a better person. I have learned so much trying to see the world as you do. It has given me more wisdom than any college could have.

Thank you all. This chapter has transformed. I really am not all that. And I have gotten free. Hallelujah.

All words and feelings expressed here are from the sole perception of the author. If can be aware about something has come across we can evoke as an aware species.

Dogma can not satisfy, our hearts long for connection to our true source.  And connection with each other. Truth is the only way for that.

As soon as you throw it up, as soon as your face it, as soon as you spit it up. Freedom that is what you get from it. Walk through that shit to the light of who you really are.

Our parents meant well, but holding all of this shit is killing us. You know what I am talking about now. We walk with the shame of our Mothers who gave us away. We walk in the shame that they gave up on themselves. And we must redeem them from this error. For we are amazing crazy things they made. And there is not shame in a child, or how they get here. So why are we swallow this rejection, and abandonment. No! It is time to dish it to who dished it. And throw up that shit. Take back our power, now our brother of color have shown us how.

Thank you MLK for your empower speech to us, The Silence Slaves who have been sorely over looked. Now rise up! Your can do it. You are strong! Look what you have been through and your still here babe! Keep going and follow my lead, walk through that dark shit inside your shame cave and clean the mother f**cking house! Let it out. Let the dragon out, so she/he can burn that bridge down and you, the real you you’ve hidden for years can break free. Because as you fly through the sky like a dragon of fire, you will transform into you. And you are a divine spirit within a body. Walk through those thoughts about it and let them out. Validate them. It is how you saw it, and your voice is important.

Send your stories here, I will post them unedited. And don’t edit yours, it’s important to just puke. What people think is not important, it never was. It is important you puke that shit out. When you get honest and tell it like you saw it, freedom will be yours.

Let’s go kids. It is our time to shine the light on what adoption is like to us the ones who had to live with the decisions. It’s time these mother fucker see what the fuck they are doing to people.

Come  on, listen to this song and realize this is revolution time.

The Silent Slaves- Adoptees

It’s our turn to talk

Selma, All

July 2, 2015

Who’s with me. I will walk alone and make you look like idiots now don’t let me down. Don’t let yourself down. Let go!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/250/831/901/give-adoptees-access-to-their-records-and-original-birth-certificates-nationwide/

Sign this petition, share it with your friends and tell them if they are friends to sign it. And get rid of anyone who does not sign it. They are not your friends if they don’t sign it to help your cause. Share it, make it go viral. This is for you babe! Our inner children deserve for us to stand up and give that energy a big black eye of reality check. Hello! Our voices are strong. Just because we have been silent, does not mean we do not have anything to say. We just need the courage to stand up and open our mouth and not edit ourselves any longer. We serve no good by silencing the voice of our divine selves.

Yes, I am calling you out of the dark. I am standing in the light of day, vulnerable, and exposed. I am living still. And I broke free, that’s why I did it here to show you how. And I did it messy so you could be safe knowing I didn’t have a plan, I just followed my gut, and my kids leading me, showing me my pain. Kids are little ministers. They preach the truth unfiltered.

Patchwork Family

We need to be let off this God forsaken Island of Misfits- The adoptee

Bleeding Hearts.

Being an adoptee is most noticeable within the adoptive family. The differences scream at you loudly and often. Your appearance, your interests, your strengths and your weaknesses are reminders that you have genetic ties elsewhere. My brothers are biological. Like my parents, I know they love me, but my impression is that they observe me with a perplexity, like a difficult math equation, or an unexplained bruise. Nature vs. Nurture. I was raised  in the same home, with the same rules and unconditional love, but in my case, nature was clearly the winner.

   

Birthmothers and adoptees are a patchwork family held together by an invisible thread of loss . When you meet one and realize you have a shared adoption experience, it’s like being given a precious gift, “Ohhh! So am I! How old were you?, etc..” ((hugs ensue)), then the bubble that briefly insulated us from the rest…

View original post 100 more words

Adoptees- It is not easy being like this, why hide it any longer?

People don’t understand. But I will keep typing and keep expressing myself, because everyone should know how it  feels. We look for what we want to see. But the truth stare you in the face and you shrink back into the corner. I don’t want you take my pain, just validate it man.

Stop telling me because someone else says it’s ok, that I should agree. I did not see it that way.

I bleed for my people who are in the dark, trying to survive a life like this.