We are a community of concerned individuals, touched by the loss associated with adoption. We have developed a set of guidelines which help keep us safe and help our members feel supported and find resources as we strive to move forward together in a healthy way. Please always be respectful of our community and the feelings and opinions expressed within.
The spirit of our community is one of compassion, empathy, empowerment and growth. You have a unique opportunity while you are here to work on your own healing and recovery, and also to offer encouragement and understanding to others who are all in different stages of the learning or healing process associated with adoption loss.
Who We Are Not:
We are neither medical nor mental health professionals. CUB is not intended as a substitute or replacement for therapy, counseling, or professional mental health services.
Topics of Discussion:
All comments should relate specifically to your personal relationship and experience to the original post. This is not a forum to attack, provoke, insult, threaten or intentionally attempt to emotionally trigger an individual member, or group of the adoption triad or constellation.
The forum is not to be used as a personal blog, journal, social networking site or for giving and receiving off-topic support or advice. Humor, artistry, discussion on timely news or social media topics are welcome, however, excessive off-topic posts and comments will be removed and the member asked to move to a more appropriate forum.
Please respect our readers by not posting the same thing in multiple threads. Multiple copies or slightly modified copies of the same post are not permitted.
Our individual thoughts, ideas and feelings are important to each of us. However, please try not to “hijack” the threads of others. Comments should be targeted to the subject matter introduced by the original post. Conversations within a thread will often evolve and develop, and this is a healthy process that can help members come to a deeper understanding of the topic at hand and other members of the adoption constellation.
Please consider your words carefully and your audience before you post a comment.This is a unique place where people who may live in places of extreme isolation can connect, simply by the sharing of words. Anger and frustration at your own situation is to be expected at times. However, anger and frustration expressed towards other members can be counter-productive. We at CUB prefer to channel our angry energies toward adoption reform, preservation of family, advocacy for birth family and adoptee rights. Disagreements will happen. Speak to others as you would wish to be spoken to, and offer your comments in a respectful, constructive manner. All members must respect the opinions of others and recognize diversity as part of the learning and healing process.
Do not intentionally goad or insult other members. Flaming other members or inflaming an already volatile thread is not allowed. Mocking or name-calling of another member has no place here, and should not be used when speaking of a person suffering from adoption related trauma.
You are encouraged to describe situations and behaviors you may have dealt with. You are asked to refrain from profane, derogatory name-calling or blanket statements and generalizations of people or groups which does little in the way of resolving problems and tends to alienate or dehumanize, particularly when used in a general context.
Moderation of the Board:
This is a moderated forum. The moderators are also people who have dealt with or are dealing with adoption loss. The moderating team can delete, hide or block comments at their discretion, including but not limited to deleting member posts when such posts are determined to be in conflict with these guidelines or blocking individuals altogether.
Moderators can and will suspend accounts if a poster is not respecting others or not contributing constructively in the spirit of the community. A warning will be given to any regular member before an account is blocked.
If you have a question or concern about a moderating decision or how the board is run you can send a personal message to the page or send an email through our website. Do not use the original thread or any other forum to question or debate moderating decisions as this is a further distraction from the original thread topic.
Note that personal messages and requests sent to moderators, admins and the site owner regarding the operation of the CUB Facebook page are shared with the other board and team members. After an initial acknowledgment, a consensus will be reached among the leadership team prior to a response being made or action being taken.
My response on Facebook below-
These are just a way to box out real progress if we need to control everything. Adoptees have had no control for years over their own lives. And well this is just another box people. That keeps out real progress. I guess we can control the weather? Can we control at all? We have purchased that illusion the day a woman relinquishes a child. Control. She inadvertently gave her power away the day she saw a child in her womb growing and decided it was wrong. Control is an illusion. Guidelines just box people out. It boxes out the people who trul need and want help but don’t fit your set of rules. When will adoptees truly be able to be who relinquishing us made us? When will we be enough? Just as we are? Geez. To keep someone safe from another person triggering the adoptees own nightmare? We might as well hide in a closet. There is safety in number. And the truth will set us free. But not if we hide. Rules are made to protect? Who and what are you protecting? Us from truly looking at the nightmares adoption creates inside the minds of children relinquished by there own mommy? Come on. We face daily what our mothers did in the name of love for us. We face their biggest nightmare each day. Because we were that one thing she could t face now aren’t we?As far as I can see, these rules are very unrealistic rules for the Adoptee. We have been ruled out of our own families, and still these people, the Birth Parents are trying to rules it all. Label it all, call the shots, tell us how and when we may speak. I mean this kind of behavior is what got us into this mess called Adoption.
End of post from Facebook——————————————————————
Our Mothers, decided that ___________________________fill in the blank). The end results meant that we did not get to stay with Mommy. Now tell me who invented what went into the blank above? Right, A Birth Mother, who forgot who she was. A human having a spiritual experience. But these bitches be looking at it with such shame now aren’t they? Still trying to clean up their lives with rules and white picket fences now aren’t they?
These people still not able to just receive what their actions have created. They hope to box it up into a pretty little box and present it to the world as evidence that they are truly good, and what they do is pure and holy. But what these bitches don’t get is. They tell on themselves and show the shame they still hold inside because of what they did to themselves. Each act is designed to prove to the world the triad is valid and organized.
I call bullshit ladies. I can see right through your words to see that if you must box it, you are not really seeking truth. You wish to keep it safe for yourselves. I have see what happens when one of us says the truth, their truth. You get all jacked up and defensive. Why? Because I the wounded one can smell your pain like a wolf who is hungry for a delicious meal. But the blood I smell is your wound weeping in front of me.
It is time for The two side of the Triad that are not the Adoptee to sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up and open those ears you closed a long time ago and listen to what the results from your actions have garnered you dear people. Take your medicine, because we have carried it long enough. You who could not have a child and made that child pay a high price for your completion, so high you would rip it from the breast of it Mommy. You who thought you made a mistake, but did when you relinquished the only good thing that came from that relationship, or rape, whatever. And sperm donors look out, you better get ready as well.
I say to those who were raped, that child in your belly was what grew from that act, and if that child comes back, you must face that child and see how what you did effected them. You must! That are the rules. We play the game the way you the Birth Mother and the Adoptive Mother wanted us to, but you must see it after we have grown. And you do not get to run any longer. And God is behind this movement. We paint God so sugar sweet. Balance must be brought to this arena.
It is only fair that when we experiment that we review our findings, but you all keep running for cover. Now stand up and take your medicine people. WE DID NOT GET TO RUN NOW DID WE? We didn’t get to run to your loving arms now did we? No, we did not. Just face that. Once you do, these words will not trigger you.