By the way- THIS IS HOW I LET GO AND GET MY CLOSURE BABE! DEAL SELMA JULY 2, 2015

Give us what is ours. We played your game. Now we get our prize, the heritage you have kept from us. I guess you thought we wouldn't care. The joke is truly on you.

Give us what is ours. We played your game. Now we get our prize, the heritage you have kept from us. I guess you thought we wouldn’t care. The joke is truly on you. Photo by Jill Greenburg- Canada

Just some ramblings about how it feels going through this. please click below and take a listen.

DEAL, THIS IS HOW I AM GIVING MYSELF CLOSURE. I AM STANDING UP FOR MYSELF AND TELLING IT LIKE IT IS.

PLEASE SIGN THIS PETITION, SHARE IT AND GET YOUR FRIENDS TO DO SO. WE MUST BECOME AWARE PEOPLE. STOP MAKING IT OK? WE CAN DO BETTER? COME LIVE A DAY WITH THIS, YOU WILL BE WITH ME. IT FUCKING SUCKS THIS GRIEF, AND IT JUST KEEPS COMING. UNVALIDATED BY THE ONE WHO DID IT TO ME.

I KNOW I AM DEAD ON. CUZ SHE’S RUNNING FOLKS. YEP, MY BIRTH MAMA IS RUNNING FROM THE TRUTH. SHE’S TRIED TO SQUASH ME. BUT GOD WILL NOT HAVE IT. WE WENT TO THE FRONT DOOR, BUT WERE NOT WELCOME. SO GOD BROUGHT ME THROUGH THE BACK DOOR, BUT HE DID BRING ME THROUGH PEOPLE.

THIS IS AN ISSUE DEAR TO OUR DIVINES HEART. AND DON’T THINK THAT THE DIVINE HE/SHE IS NOT PERTURBED AT THE IGNORANCE WE CLING TO, WITH THE TRUTH STARING YOU IN THE FACE. YOU LUL YOURSELVES WITH SILLY FAIRYTALES.

LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! LOOK AT US, MANY, BROKEN, TRYING TO HEAL, MAMMED, DENIED, THROWN AWAY, CAST AWAY, RIPPED AWAY, TORN AWAY, KILLS, SQUASHED, SECRETS, ADOPTED

THE DAY OF RECKONING IS UPON US ADOPTEES. THE DIVINE HAS HEARD OUR CRIES, AND THE BALANCE MUST SWING IN OUR FAVOR NOW. HOLD TIGHT TO YOUR FAITH, GOD IS ABOUT TO BREAK US OUT.

YES, I AM YELLING! PLEASE PASS IT ON! EVEN IF YOUR FAITH IS SMALL. REMEMBER DEAR ONES, GOD ONLY NEEDS A MUSTARD SEED? NOW WHOS WITH ME? GODS GOT OUR BACK GUYS, I WILL LEAD THE WAY TO MAKE THEM LOOK AT IT.

MARCH IN SELMA JULY 2, 2015

INDEPENDENCE DAY! July 2, 1964 civil rights act was passed. I was one at the time. Now we need to march for our rights guys. Forget what they said. Forget making them happy. It’s time to throw this shit up. This is not about appreciation folks, it’s about awareness. And the scale of balance can not be swung on a sugar sweet overlay. Salt (truth) is what’s needed now.

 I WILL MARCH ALONE IF I HAVE TO. DON’T MAKE ME MAKE YOU LOOK BAD. I AM BOOKING MY FLIGHT TODAY.

WELL, MY HUSBAND WILL BE WITH ME, AND MAYBE MY DOG.

MARTINA MCBRIDE- PLEASE SING US FREE? THIS IS GOING TO BE AN EVENT LIKE NO OTHER! WE CAN ROCK THIS! PASS IT ON. COME ON, LET’S COME FROM OUT OF NO WHERE, AND SHOW THEM. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO PICK THIS FIGHT! IT’S TIME TO POP THIS UGLY PUSTULAR PIMPLE FROM US! SO IT CAN OOZE AND HEAL, IT IS THE ONLY WAY MY PEOPLE! UNIT! OUR CAUSE HAS RIPPLED OUT INTO THE FABRIC OF SOCIETY AND PLEDGES OUR EVOLUTION!

LET US STAND ARM IN ARM, UNITED BY THIS ONE CAUSE, ADOPTION, FOSTER CARE, SEPARATION, TORN FAMILIES, CHILDREN WITHOUT A HERITAGE, GROWN CHILDREN WITHOUT PROPER DOCUMENTATION. UNACCEPTABLE!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! NOTHING WILL CHANGE WITH SUGAR? SALT IS WHAT JESUS TALKED ABOUT. AND WE ARE THE SALT THAT IS NEEDED, WE DECAY, SALT PRESERVES! SUGAR DECAYS! WE HAVE BEEN CONDITIONED TO SILENCE. IT IS OUR TIME. JUST BECAUSE WE ARE QUIET DOES NOT MEAN WE DO NOT HAVE A VOICE. AND OUR TIME IS NOW, TO RAISE OUR VOICES. WE NEED TO TELL OUR STORIES, SO THAT FUTURE GENERATIONS DO NOT SUFFER THIS VERY THING.

WE ARE THE CURE! WE WERE THE EXPERIMENT, AND NOW THE RESULTS NEEDS TO BE TALLIED. WE MUST REPORT OUR FINDINGS, OR THIS WILL CONTINUE.

WHO IS WITH ME? PASS IT ON, LETS SEE WHO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE A STATEMENT? LET’S SEE WHAT THE TRUE PULSE IS?

SHARE THIS POST ON THE MOUNTAIN TO RALLY THE TROUPS! WE ARE MANY MAY PEOPLE I HAVE BEEN IN THE TRENCHES WITH MANY SOULS, I SEE THE PAIN YOU BARE TO KEEP THE PEACE. YOUR EYES, I SEE YOUR SOULS AND I FEEL YOUR CRIES AS YOU LIVE IN YOUR SHAME CAVES, BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO REALLY KNOW HOW IT FEELS.

Psalms 127:3 – Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward.

Psalms 127:3 – Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward.

Looks like some people here got it all wrong? And one of them was my Mother? She just didn’t have it in her to care for what she created when she had sex with my Father? That’s what went down.But is that really how it should be? Now that you read about my acct? and others? Is it really worth it to sweep it under the preverbal rug and wait for it to grow legs and come home? Hello?

I speak the truth. We need to stop this God forsaken train! Support Families in staying together! What kind of a society are we when we just take children fro their Mommys and Daddy’s? We put them ;in jail? I mean God help us. We are so ignorant to what the power of unity truly can bring to us all. I will tell you what it bring? healing.

But we must face our behavior that is tearing us apart!!! come on! I will not be quiet any longer, so you can be ok about this!

IT IS NOT OK! IT SUCKS BEING IN THE DARK ABOUT YOUR HERITAGE.

IT SUCKS TO FEEL LIKE YOU CANT BE PROUD OF YOUR HERITAGE, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR MOTHER DIDN’T EVEN WANT YOU?

GEEZ.

I am a bull dog- Adoptee

My Mothers denial is my fuel. I see what a mess our relationship is. And she wants to still blame it on me. She blamed it on me 52 years ago, and thought she’d ridded herself of the stain, the blemish, the issue.  But I came back, she wasn’t expecting that, nor did she want it to happen. She actually tried to avoid it, by rejecting me again! Like the worst thing you can do to an Adoptee, yep my Mommy did that to me. She told me no, she did not want to pursue a relationship with me. Like she had a choice? I mean like for real?

Did these Mothers fall for a line of bull. They took it hook line and sinker. But God is not about the brushing over business. God is about getting and being real, and sometimes it’s messy, especially in my case. My b-Mom did not even expect me? Like who does that? I’ll tell you who, Adoptees, that’s who. In the Adoption arena, we don’t act like family, we love those who are not our family. We have been forced to, not by a death of a Mother, but by a Mother who is so unaware of herself, and the ramifications of her actions as well.


We the adoptees can not longer carry this pain of separation so that you all can feel ok. It is not ok to separate Families. I get upset watching it all. People who adopted kids and take them from their family that can not support them? I would rather die in my Mothers arms then be alive without her. Hello! jAnyone feel the same? Am I the only one who will get real? No, there are others who are opening , but my filter is off for sure. Watch out!

Once I take ahold of something, I got the grip of it. And this issue is on my Radar. And I am going to put my energy into getting this thing opened up. I am doing this for her below.

My inner child is calling to be let out, her story is real. I do it for the me who was placed into an unnatural relationship, with not explanation other than a cute story, and some paper with my family shit on it. I found my adoption papers and found out I was Stephanie Anne Brumley before my adoption. Wow, don’t you think it would be nice for me to know who the fuck I am? How can Adoptees truly bring it, when we don’t even know who we are? We are tired of living in your fairytales! Let us out!

My Birth Mother has me in a field with flowers and the wind blowing in my hair. I have been here for 52 years! I want out!

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Psalms 127:3 – Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward.

Just start talking. 

Start typing, blogging, facebook, poems, emails, shout if you have to. We need to. Yay this one out!! Why address this

Issue at the state level? It time for this to get fixed. No more waiting. No more being nice. Come on. We owe it to ourselves?? 

I am standing up for you to see me!! Stand up for

Our rights. Be seen. Be heard!! Our

Voices matter. You just believed it didn’t. We need to stop the madness. Rise up!! Baby’s should stay with mamas. No more this is an evil thing to do. Making money off of ignorant young girls. Leaving them with such scares. 

My own Mother is deranged and thinks she did a good thing. And has helped others do it. Including her own daughter! Ugh!! Insanity!! 

Everyone wants me to leave her like she left me. But I know better. I am not a dumb ass. She’s who got me here. It’s important she wake up. 

No more mrs nice guy adoptee. 

Psalms 127:3 – Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward.

Why should we play nice? I mean 52 years seems like a sufficent amount of time being quiet. My adopted Mommy always wanted me to play the quiet game. Always. We would get in the car to go in a trip and she would inform me as soon as I would begin to try to share with her. She didn’t want to know me. I was an object. Well, she didn’t realize it. But that’s what it was. That’s how I felt. Growing up. Like a slave. God help me if I said different. It appears both my Mommy’s like that damn quiet game. Well, not playing it anymore. And you both can deal.

The pain is real. It will not leave. Adoption hurts.

I was adopted at two days old. I am 52 now, and am having pain resurface after many years. I have been able to push it down for years. Not exactly the best line of defense for well being. Stuffing ones feelings is a coping mechanism, not an appropriate tool to heal. But, many of us Adoptees with parents that were not particularly aware? Well, that is kind of a default setting for us. Pain, push it down.

What am I pushing down? My feelings, about being adopted, about being raised by someone I really don’t have a emotional bond with, but share a legal bond with. Yeah, I have heard all of the rational around my feelings. People try to explain it away. Wonder why? Could it be that it is ugly? I feel it is. Because when I get online and share my grief or share about signing my petition, no one responds. I find this interesting behavior, avoidance behavior.  We avoid what we don’t understand. And if we get close to a person who is openly sharing some negative feelings they were left with about being left to figure it out with their own thoughts about it, well it might rub off?

People can be so callus, and self centered, and shallow. They would rather skim the water then go deep. If it is a negative they run. So chicken shit. I mean so fluff ballish. I was raised by a woman who was very pointed, and harsh, and demanding. She really does even realize all that I do for her. I feel like a slave a lot. I take her places, she enjoys the things I do for her, I make her proud. But when I want to share myself with her, well she doesn’t want to know that.

I grew up really never being praised for anything I did. I try to remember my Mother praising me. If it directly affected her, well, then of course, but it would be her credit, not mine. I moved to Nashville to sing, and I don’t think my Mother ever has heard me sing, out. But at home she would always say, you would sound good if you would sing in your own voice. Ugh! Round up. Treat me like a weed.

I was so wounded growing up without my identity. I was so lost trying to follow the lines that have been given me. I struggled trying to fit in, but I didn’t. I stood out, I was the class clown, I don’t have any pictures with school classmates. But I never was for trivial people. I would hang out with the down and outers. I felt like a down and outer. I felt thrown away. I felt abandoned, I felt alone. I wanted to be so happy about being adopted. But I can’t, I don’t like it, I have lived this way, I want my story and for my Mothers to accept that their decision to do this did not garner them success.

Being Adopted does not clean up the mess, it just prolongs it. It is an illusion to think that a child will go away. It is an illusion to think that we can thrive as a people if we throw away our babies that are the product of our actions. We try to hide our actions by adopting our mistakes out. What are you thinking? What are you thinking? People so driven to have a child. What the fuck is that about? Answer that one. Babys are being taken from mothers who need them. You’ve got it all wrong, that baby is the very thing that will save them.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about my Birth Mother. My heart hurts these days because she is so adamant at keeping her story of me, our relationship can not go forward. I try to explain this. She cannot see me for the board in her eye. Who placed it there, she, to cope with the loss of me. And now says she has no pain left, but is unable to speak with me. My youngest daughter, very sensitive, has been kept from me, her Mother. My birth Mother now has chosen to view me, her flesh and blood as an enemy?

Do you see how messed up it is? I mean we enter into this agreement, or they did. But my feelings are neglected, not validate. This is not humane, my feelings are valid, even if you didn’t plan me. I am not the act that brought me here.

I reach to her for a hand up from this ignorant place. But no hand comes down. I am left in the dark shame cave of what she thinks of me.

How does one reconcile this?

Click the link below and read about this gals journey. We can only hold it in for so long. You guys are gonna have to just deal. We need to heal.

click below;

http://www.adoptionhealing.com/SmilingAdoptees.html