Yep. Folks be saying shit like this about their Mamas. She’s kind of describing my Mama. I feel like adoption just made it easier for my own Mama to just stay narcissistic. Rejection over load with my Mama. She looks like she loves Jesus. But? Well? Today. Beyond our past she’s MIA and in plain sight. Lol. So ludicrous.

Adoption sends a message to woman like my Mama that says it’s ok to walk away from your calling. And made it my calling to expose. My Own Mama wants m to treat her with respect. When she did not even leave instructions with me? She did not even give a shit enough.

I mean we tell ourselves things at the age of 25. The age my Mama was when she began telling stories without me. All god had to do to get to her was get me to show up to find her. She? Freaked out. Not me. My reaction is a counter reaction to her first reaction. I am the feedback to get affect. We all are. Shall I say it was lovely over tea?? And scones? Shall I say let’s do it again? For your pride sake Mother? Shall I shout the praises of my Mama who gave me away? And told no one? Love. Has everything to do with it.

And I’ve loved you enough to stand up to your delusional ass? And make you, face your actions? And walked with you while it all hit home. Not alone like you did me. Alone, meaning without you. Ok? I’ve walked three years now with you. Ministering to your ungrateful ass about truth Mama. Oh.

I’m living in a garage Mama. Steve Jobs started his career and life purpose in a garage Mama. He was adopted. He went to college and dropped out. Me too. He’s my big brother thanks to you and his Mama. This whole adoption land is a house of cards you know? Paper stacked against paper. Our rights still stand when we finally get it together after we realize that our rights are intact just disarmed. We’ve just been trained to believe who we have been told we are. But the spells wearing off. And the sleeping have awaken. And the witches are scared. Because now they know that we know all their shit. Because we were always awake. Some play fair. Some don’t. Some realize. Some struggle. To realize the science of it.

Don’t think I don’t know and thank God for my own children I taught to pick at me about you!! They have been my ministers Mama. They have preened me. Cuz you or Mama Jean could not see what they see beyond all this! I’m tired of this shit. We win when you call me. It’s on you now. You blocked. You must unblock. This must stop. We are still connected. It’s silly to play like we are not. And unhealthy. No one hates you. I really don’t like some of your actions, and it makes me act a certain way? And the kids and I do this to each other? It’s much like being a energy and word ninja. I am trying to find the best description for what’s going on here.

I have been honest. I would like to forget this too. I would have loved it if God would have left me alone and not called me to the front of the class to speak about my lessons. Explaining my life experiences in my own words is exactly what God wanted me to do. Not a rehearsed phrase. But exactly how it felt which was up and down and all around. Excuse me for bursting you bubble. But that’s the affect adoption had on me. No bubble. It’s made me a bubble popper. Pop pop pop. Without even trying.

I feel it all. And work on a bubble while folks tear it away. People like me bubbless. They just don’t like when I burst their bubbles. Many people are like,” oh, I love being with you, your energy is so amazing”, and they love to feed on unconditional love. Many have conditions on how they will experiences love. They put conditions on how. I work daily to maintain a position of unconditional love. Take it as it comes and respond honestly to what is. Love is not all yummy? Love is like blending? Who wants to jump in a blender? Anyone? No! No one wants a blender? We want oowy goowie love. Not all this work?

And I think? Work? Work is fun? It’s that you’ve told yourself working isn’t fun that you’ve sucked all the life out of it? I live in a garage!! To prove a point. No. It’s not easy? Living in a garage to make a point? No one wants to help you when you live in a garage? Like what a realization!! Wow!! You can help. But no one wants to come by and help? They want you to help? I am now “The Help” mother truckers? Yep.

Would a big house make me feel like the laborer? Or Queen? No. No. Because that’s a lie. To be most, you must be least. To lead, you must follow. A garage has no hold on me as a mortgage and all that. A large house would provide more room for more people to come stay? Bigger boat more folks want to ride?

I think about Mother Earth. She works all the time. She’s spinning us around 1000 like a crystal ball in her hand. I think about Father God. How much he wants us all to see language is key. The language of love is a hard one to learn to decode situations that appear hostel and are more like a language barrier if not disturbed with naturally work itself out with no harm if folks could just see.

My Mama and I work on language. And science. Psychology. Spirituality. Gospel interpretation. Prayer. Practice. Manifestation. And we do the dishes and cook. I’ve given her a mental test and then rest. But we are not done.

Boot camp. Oh the many things me and Mama are learning. She’s gonna thank me. Xoxox. When the sanity go marching in baby.

And this reading sounds like my Mama and my Daddy. And I’m in the middle trying to mediate for a dead man to change it. It’s like my Daddy’s saying sorry. And wanting my Mama not to take it out on me. It’s like God sent me back to make this right. So Mama could see me. And not my Daddy’s mistakes in me, but how I did what he did not. I held on. I committed to my Mama all the way and never backed down.

Mama? Daddy was that fire sign. And I have fire too. But my fire is from heaven. And my truth burns away all our past. The only thing left after this? Is love. Let that shit go Mama.

I may be from you and Daddy? But I’m not that mistake or whatever your feeling about it? I love you true. I’ve fought for your honor. Alone. With only God guiding me. That’s love and commitment.

Daddy was a mess. Yes. He left you holding me and a bunch of dreams that never came to be? But I came back to show you love. He loves you. He was a mess. And scared of you Mama. You’re amazing. Never forget that. Never. Ever. Forget how amazing you are and what a catch you are.

That’s my message beyond the pain. My Daddy’s love is within me. Beyond his acts of cruelty. Love grew anyway in me for you Mama. That’s a miracle. This love wont stop. God won’t let me stop. Because you need to get this forever in time.

I love you true Mama. And all you watered me with was prayer Mama? Holy miracle grow I call it. Thank you. Thank you.

It’s in the cards. Phil showed up in my read this morning. And my blessings too. First card is of course Mama. Ten of cups-emotional fulfillment next. Three of cups-celebrations. Kin of swords is an air sign. Phil was a Libra. Then? Ten of coins. Financial fulfillment. Ten is new beginning and fulfillment. Threes are divinely guided blessings and celebration.

I mean I am not joking here? I was drinking my coffee and pulled the deck out and wam!! Hermit card shows up!! Lol. God is talking to me through these cards. No devil can stop God from speaking through anything.

I am so grateful. Phil’s spirit came to me after his passing. And he told me he was going to help me. And he showed up with Mama in this reading showing me blessings are here. God is good.

Below is the spread. Read it a weep for joy peps. God is alive and well and speaks through tarot. Lol. Wow! I made it through the fears of my family and gained knowledge the church keeps us from seeing for fear. The Bible is a book of love. Love. And we do need to rightly divide it.

Cards are cards. But God guises the cards people. God guide everything and fear is ignorance in disguise. Face that fear! Turn the tables over!! Speak what’s inside so God can fill you with the ultimate truth. Love is the highest truth of all. My fears kept me from seeing my Mama as the blessin that she has always been.

I feared and Mama feared too that we would change our minds again. Nope. Not going back to life without that woman. I’m just not!! I know her value is above rubies and Diamonds. My Mama is a diamond and a rock!! Her shine lit my dark world up!! And melted all my fears with her prayers of a loving Mama.

That’s the thing. When Mama didn’t know what the hell was going on with me? She took it to God!! And God took it to me. And cleaned me up toot sweet!! Xoxox

I am so grateful for a loving God that take all our wounds and hurts and cleans it all up. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness to me. Thank you for helping my Mama go on without me. May I please, please, please have my Mama back lord? Thank you for letting her rise up in me and lead me to her door to remind her how amazing her crazy side was that made me.

Xoxox

Folks. Do the work. It’s worth it. Our Mama need us too? They need to know we are ok without them. Every Mama on the planet eat worries if their babies will make it when they are gone. Mama? I’m good. I’ll be ok when your gone. But there still time for us to be together in spirit and in truth. Let’s not waste a drop. Xoxo

I love you true Mama. Xoxox

Mama shine light into our world when no one else can’t. Ok? It’s in the DNA. Xoxo

I wake this morning with gratitude and tears. This morning a whole new day has begun. It’s not easy coming here. It’s especially difficult to go through it without your Mama. I was blessed, God lead me home to my roots. My Mama. I was blessed to have come from her.

And guys? Once you get the funk out? It’s overwhelming how much love you feel. I feel I came here to go through this to lead. And these tarot cards are making it clear. God’s using them to show me who’s calling in my blessings. My Mama. The hermit.

In the Tarot the hermit is spiritual. A bookworm and a guru. But the Hermit is private. And very deep. My Mama is like Mama Earth, she is my Holy Spirit. She is alchemy. And she prays like no other. My Mamas connected and she won’t even let some snotty nose brat knock her off her game. Thank you Mama for showing me your roots system. No nonsense bare bones down home praying like no other. My mama prays.

God lead me to the tarot to speak to me. I’m a

Visual learner. And I was scared about it. The church doctrines and scared old men kept me from learning about everything spiritual that wasn’t understood by the church. And God lead me into the darkness so I could see.

• I’ve got a blessing coming. And the Hermit cards all over it. And that crazy fire sign my Mama got tangled up with. They are working together at last. My Father on the other side, with all my other fathers and grandfathers. And my Mama leading the train in prayer.
• God is good. But you have to throw up the old blind way to see. My heart would not believe all that was spoken over me. Why?
• Because my Mama prays. That’s why. She covers me with her intentions. She is like my rock to hold me down so I can do this.

And she will see me blessed or her names not Linda. And I Be Linda. So it’s sealed by God holy hand. It’s in my name. She will not settle for less. She will pray me through my dark night and that why I had to cry out. Because my Mama needed to pray and to know that I needed her. This is what I see. Now.

Mamas answer the cries of their children. Even Mamas that relinquish. My Mama angered in prayer. To the higher power she called out for me. She stood in my gap. She pulled me back from hell with her prayers.

I am so grateful for such a good Mama. And our dark chapter is closed. I sit in front of a new page and a new chapter. My Mama prayed that in. And this chapter is written by God. And had I not told the truth and cried uncle, Mama would not have known to pray harder for me, she held the line for me while I unraveled.

Thank you Mama. You. Are. My superstar.

My Mama listed me up my whole life. She felt me tug at her heart even though I was not visible. And she prayed for me. That’s a good Mama. That’s the truth beyond what everyone told me growing up. It just took me years to overcome my shyness and struggles with words.

But ya better watch what you say to the hermits child! Lol. Mama hears everything because she’s talking to God. And God leads her to pray. It’s not an easy job to lift another woman up and give her something her body did not make. My Mama did that for Mama Jean. She gave her life. Life from her own body. That’s huge.

And Mama Jean loved me so I would return the favor and bring home a blessing back to her door in me. These woman are different. But they both are my Mamas and this is a mad scientist mix. It’s complicated and raw. But being adopted, caused me to dig deep to find my Mama within. And that means we all can do this.

Sure. Adoption needs some changes. The world needs some Changes. And the truth is the only thing spoken that can set us free. If a bunch of junk is in your trunk? Throw it out so something better can come in.

Thanks for diving deep with me today as I report my findings from telling the truth.

God bless you.

Xox

You to Mama’s. Keep praying. God hears. Xoxox

i love you. i love you. i love you.
ive missed you.

I am so proud of this video and of my sister on this planet, Oprah for showing us how to gracefully accept a truth and to share her story with courage and bravery.

healing is coming home.

Healing is accepting what was.

Healing is building better from the ashes.

Healing is honesty.

Healing is this moment. All of us desire this moment.

Oprah doesn’t know this? But I was watching her show one day in 1992. Around April. I was conceived in April of 1962, born in 1963 when her sister was born. Same year. And that show lead me to make some phone calls. And three hours later? Just three hours after three years of searching and praying? I was connected to my sisters?

Oprah’s show pierced me open and caused me to get up and do something about it. And to find this now? Is amazing. I write Oprah about this? And I tweeted to her about this?

I knew we were connected somehow? She’s an angel for televising this so we can see how to graciously accept someone Into your very public life after seeing yourself in your sisters actions or lack of actions?

Thank you Oprah. Thank you. Xoxox. For being strong enough to bend when the wind blew. For hearing the birds words Whispered into your ears and stepping up to the plate of life and hitting it out of the park on this one thing!! Fame can’t make a person be like this? Fame is what came from being like Oprah is?

Thank you Oprah. Thank you. Xox